Worths a shot
by HeavenHearted
Summary: MERDER AU. Meredith finally started her residency. And just as she reached the best point of her life, her past keeps hunting her. She is afraid. Afraid to fall in love. Afraid that everything might happen again. And then, she meets Derek, and the whole story changes... romance, drama, and some tragedies.
1. Firsts

**Hi guys!! Ok so this is my first time writing with this app, but I thought about some nice ideas that might be interesting for you to read. This whole thing is just for fun :) it might be really confusing at first, but eventually you'll get it I promise.**

**Oh and just so you know, English isn't my first language so I might suck...**

**ENJOY!!!!**

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

Meredith Grey is a surgical resident at Seattle Grace. Tomorrow she will be getting her new interns and she will finally be able to function on her own. And apparently, tomorrow will be the day that completely changed her life. Well, her life has already been drastically changed a few years ago, but now the change is so much different...

It was about 5:30 AM. Meredith was sleeping peacefully in her huge empty bed at her house. The alarm beeped loudly and suddenly she was awake. Meredith couldn't open her eyes to the light flashing sunlight that was filling her room. She quickly pulled the blankets over her head and went back to her peaceful deep sleep.

Meredith was a snoring type of sleeper. Her snores were faint but they were quite noticeable, so her roommates could definitely know that she went back to sleep.

"Mer!!" Cristina shouted. "Come on! Get up now!!". Cristina was Meredith's best friend. They met each other at med school and since then they have been close. Cristina was always on the top of her game, she was the best of the best. Everyone loved her. It didn't really bother Meredith though, she loved her so much that she didn't even care who was better. Cristina lived in Meredith's house with Meredith, Alex, and Izzy. They were all interns together and they practically saw each othe 24/7.

"Mer please get up now we have to go or were gonna be late" Izzy said softly as she walked into Meredith's room. "Today were residents! We cannot be late mer!!" Cristina said angrily as she looked at her sleeping friend. Meredith finally woke up and walked out of her bed and into he bathroom. "Okay! calm down... I will be ready in a sec" she said as she slowly closed the bathroom's door.

Meredith stared at herself in the mirror that was spreaded all over the wall. She could not believe she was getting her own little surgical slaves today. As she tried to reach the shower she felt it.

It was back and it was bigger. She didn't have it for a while now, or she may have not noticed it due to the great stress that was on her. But it was definitely back. She tried to shower through it. It all got better after she finished showering and went downstairs to eat breakfast.

As she went down the stairs she felt it again. As she tried to push through it, her walking became weird and very slow.

"What is wrong with you, sleeping princess?" Alex asked as he poured the maple over his pancakes. "What? Oh nothing" Meredith answered quickly as she straightened her walk. "And don't ever call me like that!".

Izzy made a huge bucket of warm and fluffy pancakes to celebrate their fist day as residents. Everyone were in the kitchen waiting for her. She quietly grabbed a few pancakes from the counter and went to sit next to Cristina, who was drinking her coffee with a smile.

"Why are you so happy Cristina? Huh? Omg is it because of my pancakes? They are that awesome right??" Izzy asked with a chuckle. "Nope. Not because of the pancakes". Cristina said. "I was just thinking how fun it's gonna be to yell at some interns. Our very own interns". Cristina said with excitement. "Oh. Right" Izzy responded quickly. "But yeah, your pancakes are pretty amazing" Cristina said to cheer Izzy up. Izzy smiled and they all laughed.

It was about time to get going. All of them rushed into Meredith's car. Meredith usually drove them everywhere, but today she couldn't. She asked Cristina to drive for her and that's what they did. Cristina sat in the driver's seat, Meredith right next to her, and Alex and Izzy at the back row.

"Why aren't you driving mer?" Alex asked as he smushed his bag of clothes next to him. Meredith didn't answer. She didn't even hear the guy. She was to busy starting straight and thinking about it being back. She was stressed. And not because of the residency.

"Meredith? what the hell is wrong with you?" Cristina whispered as she grabbed Meredith's leg and squeezed it hard. "Oh sorry.. what?" She immediately asked as her body jumped. "While you were daydreaming, Alex asked why Cristina is driving and not you. You know, because you usually drive us to work" Izzy said with curiosity. "I'm just.. I don't really know.." Meredith said with a sigh.

They all sat there in silence. Cristina knew that something was completely wrong with Meredith. She was unfocused. Her mind was all over the place. She was taking deep breaths like if she was very stressed. Or if she was in pain. There was no way that Meredith got so stressed about being a resident.

"Mer is this you being stressed about today? You're usually not like that.." Cristina asked her with concern as they walked out of the car. "What? No. It's not about that. At all. I'm just... not now" Meredith admitted. Cristina knew she was telling the truth. But something is so wrong and she's going to find it out...

**Ok so this is going to be a pretty awesome story about especially mertina and merder :) and I might even include some more ships like slexie or something but idk yet :) **

**Please keep reading and tell me what you think !**


	2. Satisfied

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

Meredith stood in front of her new interns in shock. They were so young, so thrilled, so exited, and they looked so so stupid. There were four of them. Four is a lot for one like Meredith. She couldn't even keep track of herself all the time. So four more people? That seemed impossible.

Just by looking at them she could tell what their personality was like.

First of all, there was Marty Hooks, he was an average nerd. He was very tall and incredibly skinny. He had a pair of huge glasses covering his face and he has never smiled. A little depressed, she thought.

And then there were Lucas Thompson and Cartier Mathis. They were always together, kind of like they were glued to one anothe. It was ridiculous. They were mid-sized men, curly hair for both, one blonde and one brunette.

And finally, Amelia Larson. She was beautiful. Almost like a Barbie doll. She was skinny and she had very light skin and eyes. She was the only one that actually looked capable of doing something.

"Okay, here we go!" Meredith yelled as she motioned to her new interns to follow her to the hall. "This is surgery people! We fix people here, we save lives, we communicate with patients." She said as Drs. Hooks, Thompson, Mathis, and Larson stared at her with wide eyes. "Remember that 'we' and don't include yourself in it. You are no ones, nothings, no one cares what you think or feel! So rule number one: no complaining!" All of the interns were quickly writing notes. "Your job is to work for me. Not anyone else! Just.me. You'll run labs for me, do my post- op notes, check on my patients, and you'll even massage my back if I want you to. So rule number two: you are now my slaves! You do whatever the hell I say" all of the interns nodded yes as Meredith continued with the rules. She felt so proud of herself. She was so concentrated on giving orders and doing surgeries that she forgot about it being back.

Her day was pretty perfect despite what happened in the morning. Her interns were so quite all day and they followed every single rule. They were kind of afraid of her... Meredith walked down the hall to the residents' lounge with a faint smile on her face. She was incredibly satisfied with her interns.

Just as she walked in, she saw Cristina changing into her street clothes. She was so busy today that she haven't seen anyone all day. She didn't even know if her best friend's interns were good or not. "Hi, how did it go?" Meredith asked softly as she walked in. "So so good" Cristina said with a smile "how about you? Did you get to calm down since this morning?" Cristina asked as she pulled her bag out. "Amazing! My interns aren't as stupid as I thought they would be. And yes, I did" Meredith said with a sarcastic tone. "I'm just worried. That's all" Cristina responded. "So don't! I am fine." Meredith said with a big smile as she grabbed her street clothes out of her locker and headed to the bathroom.

When Meredith was back and changed, the whole room was loaded with either happy or sad residents talking about how much their interns are good or bad. Meredith spotted Izzy and Alex and asked them about their day. The four of them walked out of the hospital and into the car. This time, Meredith was okay driving it. "Do you girls wanna grab a drink?" Alex asked with a grin.

"Sure" the three of them responded quickly.

That was exactly what they needed. They needed to get drunk and release all of that stress off from their shoulders. It wasn't very late, so they had time to do whatever they wanted.

Meredith and Izzy went to Joe and ordered drinks for their friends. Meredith couldn't wait. All she wanted to do was to break free, to forget about everything. And she knew what her poison was. Tequila. Aka the drink of Meredith grey.

Alex and Izzy left. They were tired enough and satisfied enough with the night they had so that they could go home. They took Meredith's van, leaving her and Cristina at the bar.

Meredith and Cristina were both drunk, but not drunk enough. They were walking around the bar looking for some familiar faces to hang out with. They both sat at the bar in disappointment and ordered another drink. Just as they looked to their side, they noticed two men. Beautiful, charming, handsome men. Of course that because of the alcohol daze, they would go and talk to them.

Derek and Mark. These were their names.

Derek looked up at Meredith. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her. She was stunning. So amazingly beautiful. She was smiling widely as she and Cristina were walking towards them. "Hello ladies. What can we do for you?" Mark asked them with a chuckle as Derek smiled.

"Nothing, we just came to say hi and meet some new friends... plus, we're drunk! so deal with us!" Meredith said as she began to laugh. Derek couldn't believe it. Even her voice was incredible. Like a little angel.

"So... what do you handsome guys do for living huh? Cristina asked as she laid her empty glass on the peanut- covered bar. "We are doctors. Surgeons actually!" Derek said proudly. "Oh really? So are we!" Meredith said shocked. "Well, not yet.. we're still residents" Cristina fixed her friend. "Impressive" Mark said. "Where?" He asked. "Seattle grace" the girls answered with big drunk smiles. "So that must be some kind of coincidence... because we work there too!!" Derek said shocked.

The conversation went for what seemed like hours. The connection between the four of them was insane.

Close to midnight, Meredith and Cristina were so drunk that Cristina had to throw up twice and Meredith has passed out. Derek and Mark offered to drive the girls home and that's what they did.

The boys dropped them of at the entrance of Meredith's big house. "It was very nice meeting you" Cristina shouted as she entered the house. "You too!" The boys shouted back. "Good night, and thanks for the ride" Meredith said tiredly. She was so exhausted.

Cristina was already inside and Mark pulled into the car. "Meredith wait!" Derek said as he grabbed her hand. And then it happened. Love from first sight if I may say. Their blue eyes met each other and Derek drew her into the most breathtaking kiss. She was shocked. Terrified actually. She was so afraid to fall in love again. Especially after what happened last time... but it was way to late. He had immediately taken her heart.

**Yep. You knew this would happen eventually :))**


	3. Confused

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

It was a complete shock. She had known Derek Shepherd for about 3 hours and she was already in love with him. He was breathtaking. Stunning. The perfect men. Meredith laid in her bed and stared. She couldn't avoid thinking about him. "Stop it!" She quietly said to herself. She could not be in love again, especially after the last time, who was her very first, and she wanted him to be her very last.

One kiss was enough for her to understand that she couldn't handle not loving him. She gave up. And drifted into a deep sleep.

Derek wasn't confused at all. He has found the one. The only thing he could think about is the tiny and beautiful woman he'd had met tonight. "Man, you look like you're in love!" Mark said with a chuckle as he dropped Derek off at his apartment. "Maybe I am..." Derek said with a mysterious smile. He was in love. Tomorrow he will ask her out. One kiss while they were both drunk wasn't enough for him. He wanted much much more. He wanted her forever.

Meredith woke up early today. Before the alarm beeped. She couldn't sleep, she just felt like her head was literally exploding. She was dizzy, she had a headache. A really bad one. She knew the reason of course, it has happened a lot of times before. She took a small pill from her drawer. Those usually helped.

She walked into the bathroom. Her hair was a complete mess. She showered and brushed it into a low ponytail. She looked amazing, she was so happy.

She went downstairs. No pancakes today. But she couldn't even eat, she just thought about the men who completely turned her world, upside down.

Cristina sat at the table. She was grumpy because of the hangover. They were both so drunk last night. but it didn't really effect Meredith. She was happy. So so happy.

"Why are you so happy Mer?" Cristina asked as she lifted her eyes from the newspaper. "Why are you so grumpy Cristina?" Meredith said as she poured some coffee in her mug. "Ugh, tequila" Cristina said with a sigh. "But I asked first" she mentioned. "Oh, probably tequila too" Meredith said with a smile as she heard Izzy walk downstairs. "Right...But are you sure it's the tequila and not that Derek from the bar?" Cristina said as she placed her mug and plate in the sink. "Who is Derek?" Izzy asked. "No one" Meredith said quickly. "And no. It's not because of him, Cristina". Meredith said as she rolled her eyes. She couldn't admit it was him. She couldn't tell Cristina and Izzy that she fell in love with some random guy from a random bar. It sounded foolish to her. But it was the truth.

"Good morning everyone, let's go we have rounds!" Meredith shouted as she walked by the interns' locker room. "Dr. Larson, present please" she said as the young girl presented. "This is John, age 33, came in a couple of days ago for a tumor removal from his temporal lobe, surgery was done by dr. Shepherd 3 days ago and since then he has been pretty stable" Amelia said with a smile. Meredith froze. Did she just say shepherd??

"Ok! Good job Larson, and John, how are you feeling today?" She asked quickly as she made sure Derek wasn't around. "Uhm, pretty good actually, just a little dizzy..." the patient said as he faintly closed his eyes. "That's very good John! I must have done a flawless work" Derek said as he snuck into the room and grabbed the chart from Marty Hooks' hands. Meredith immediately melted to the sound of his voice. She slowly looked at him. His face softened as he noticed he. "Oh, good morning dr Grey" he said with a huge smile. She smiled back at him and walked out of the room with her interns. Now she was avoiding him.

Suddenly her pager beeped. "911!" She heard Alex yell as he and his interns started running towards the pit. "Ok! Drs. Thompson and Hooks, you do my post ops! And drs. Mathis and Larson, come with me!!" She said quickly as she ran to the elevator, with her interns following her.

It was chaotic. So many people running around and shouting. There was a massive bus accident and there were so many injuries. In all of the mess she heard a familiar voice. She had known it for years. She looked around and there she was, standing right next to Cristina and writing notes. Lexie Grey.

"Mer!! Can we have some help in here?" Cristina yelled at her. "Coming!" Meredith shouted back.

Meredith left her interns at the pit and walked into the trauma room. Dr Sloan was there working on some burns. "Oh, and hello to you dr. Grey. Nice to see you in some scrubs!" Mark laughed as he took his gloves off and walked out of the trauma room. As soon as Lexie heard the name "Grey" she looked up. She was shocked. "Lexie! Hello?? Can you hand me that tube??" Cristina yelled at her as she tried to intubate the patient. Lexie couldn't move. She couldn't believe she was standing in front of her sister. Her supposedly dead sister. "Here you go" one of the other interns in the room said as she handed Cristina the tube. "Thanks a lot" Cristina told Lexie. "I am.. I need to... sorry" Lexie said as she walked out, Meredith right after her.

Lexie and Meredith were really close when they were younger. Meredith always helped Lexie study to her exams, and they always hung up together. Meredith loved Lexie. She was the closest thing to a sister she had ever have. The both of them didn't care that they were actually half- sisters. They grew up together, as best friends.

Meredith grabbed Lexie's arm and walked her into an empty exam room. "Lexie I missed you!" Meredith said as she smiled and looked at her shocked sister. "What?... how??" Lexie said as she tried to breathe normally. "What? What happened? Are you okay??" Meredith said in panic as she watched Lexie struggle to put air in her lungs. "I... dad told me what happened. He said you died! But clearly you didn't!" Lexie said as she started to cry. "What??" Meredith asked I shock. That could not be happening to her.


	4. Shocking

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

The two of them were standing there in shock. "Lexie... Why are you even here?" Meredith said as she sat down next to her. "Int-internship" Lexie said as she sobbed. "I cried for months mer! How could dad do this to me? To us?" She asked as her sobs became louder and louder. "I don't... I don't know lex, I guess we would have to ask him..." Meredith said quietly as a tear slid down her cheek. "No way!! I will never talk to him again!" Lexie said. "Someone who is supposed to be my dad made me think that my sister is dead. I hate him! Hate him!!" Lexie said as she continued sobbing hard on Meredith's shoulder. "Stop it Lexie! Get it together! We will figure this whole thing up. We can do this." Meredith said as she drew Lexie into a warm hug. "I missed you mer... more than you can even imagine..." Lexie said as her tears quit falling. "Me too lex, me too" Meredith said softly as she watched Lexie wipe her tears-covered cheek and take in a deep breath.

So many things have happened today. All Meredith wanted was to get into her fluffy bed and sleep until she died. She entered her room and went into the bathroom. She showered, brushed her teeth, and went to her bed. She wore her light blue V- shirt and a pair for pants and walked to her bed. She has never wore V-shirts at public. Never. But today, she was so tired that she must have forgotten there were more people living at her house...

Cristina was bored. TV was boring. Her interns were boring. She was so bored. Cristina wasn't tired at all, probably because she drank about 4 cups of coffee today. Also, the big bloody traumas from the ER filled her body with an adrenaline rush. She could run a marathon if she wanted to.

Cristina walked out of her room. Izzy wasn't home, Alex was down at the kitchen with some random boy from the hospital. So she decided to go and bother Meredith.

She walked pass her room and heard the faint snores. "Wake up!! It's part time!!" Cristina yelled as she jumped into her room and onto the bed. Meredith was lying there, the lights were still on, her hair was still wet and unbrushed, and she was laying on the blankets. She must have fallen asleep. Cristina went to her side and laid next to her. "Mer..." Cristina whispered into her ear. "I'm bored, please wake up" she moaned. Meredith didn't move. She just continued to snore lightly. "Mer?" She asked again. She couldn't take it anymore, she wanted to talk to her friend. She got up and stood above her, and just as she started shaking her sleeping friend she saw it.

She had known Meredith for 2 years and has never seen her wearing a V-shirt. "Omg mer!!" She said in shock. She saw it.

A thick, red, very visible, scar was spreading down her chest. Cristina couldn't believe it. Suddenly, she saw it all. She lifted Meredith's shirt and saw another one slicing through her stomach. "Mer!!" She shaked her hardly. "What? C-Cristina? What happened?" She said softly as she began waking up. "You- umm- you fell asleep" Cristina said quickly. She wouldn't tell Meredith she saw it. She wasn't supposed to see it. So she would keep her mouth shut until she couldn't. "Oh, you're right... thanks" Meredith said sleeply with a smile. Suddenly she noticed what she was wearing... "oh I'm... um... im gonna be right back... im cold..." she said as she quickly ran into her closet and changed. Cristina still sat there in shock. Her friend's body looked like it was sliced and cut in so many times. But why?

"So.. do you want to sleepover tonight?" Meredith asked happily as she walked back to her bed and sat next to Cristina. "Sure". Cristina said with a faint smile. "I will just go and take a shower. I'll be back in a sec" Cristina said as she walked out.

Meredith prayed that Cristina didn't see it. How could she be so stupid? So careless? This would never happened again.

Meredith and Cristina loved to sleepover. They always felt better as they laid next to each other under the thick blankets while watching some cheesy movie. But not tonight. Tonight they were both so stressed. They laid there together without saying a single word. Cristina definitely felt like Meredith was hiding something. And Meredith? She was to busy thinking about what will happen if Cristina finds out he secret.

Tonight they didn't watch a movie. They went straight to sleep. They were facing each other with their eyes closed. "Good night Cristina" Meredith said faintly. She was exhausted from today. From Lexie, from Derek, from her messed up life. "Night" Cristina answered softly. She couldn't sleep, she was just thinking about the scars. How could she do that to Meredith? She was hiding it from her, and from the world. So it must by a private issue. But she couldn't help herself from looking again.

Meredith quickly fell asleep. And that was Cristina's chance. She looked at Meredith's thigh and saw another scar. They were visible. Even in the dark. They looked so new, like she was just stitched up.

She looked away. She couldn't handle it anymore.

What the hell happened to her?


	5. Admitting

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

Morning came quickly, and Meredith and Cristina could barely get some sleep. The both of them tossed and turned all night. They were both awake when the alarm beeped. Meredith couldn't move, she just couldn't reach her hand and turn off the alarm. Cristina did it. She quickly jumped out of the bed and into the bathroom. "Good morning mer" she said faintly as she closed the door. Meredith couldn't answer. She couldn't move a muscle in her body. She was frozen. The headache from yesterday was back and it was worse. So she just laid there, trying to breathe her pain off. "Are you okay?" Cristina asked, knowing she wasn't. "Yeah" Meredith answered quietly. "Sorry, I'm just tired" she said. "Oh. Okay... I'll be downstairs. I am starving" Cristina mentioned as she walked out.

Meredith somehow managed to get out of her comfortable bed and walk slowly to the shower. She showered and cried. It was all to much. She thought about Lexie and cried. She thought about Cristina and cried. She looked down at herself and cried.

She stepped out of the shower and got dressed. She ate some sugar cookies that Izzy made last night and made herself a cup of mocha. Cristina looked at her and immediately felt relieved. She looked okay, able to function. And she ate. Meredith almost never ate breakfast. She smiled.

"Good morning ladies!" Alex said happily. "Oh god I am so happy today! Anyone knows why?" He said as he grabbed some cereal. "Nope. And I'm not sure I want to" Cristina said as she took a bite of her omelette. "Why are you so happy Alex?" Meredith asked with a smile as she looked at him. "I got screwed last night!" He said gladly. "Okay, we did not want to know that!!" Izzy said as she walked in. "I told you..." Cristina said casually.

"We're gonna be late guys! Come on!" Meredith shouted to her friends as she sat in her car. "Calm down mer.." Izzy said as she shut the door. "Sorry I just... I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.." she sighed. "Yeah.. mer and I didn't sleep well last night" Cristina agreed. "Oh!! You two slept over didn't you?" Alex teased them. "Shut up ass!!" Cristina told him with an eye roll. The rest of the ride was made out of light conversations. But Meredith couldn't stop thinking about so many things. And so did Cristina.

Meredith walked down the hall with Marty Hooks. He was asking a lot of stupid and unnecessary questions. "So What should I do with these labs? Because um.. you said they were urgent a while ago, but I forgot to do them before... so are they still important or I can go to the gallery and watch some stuff?" He asked quickly. "Just give them to me... go to the pit, learn something" she said with a sigh. He was stupid. Very stupid.

She walked to get her lab results and suddenly she saw him. He was standing at the nurse station, holding a chart and writing notes. She stared at him as she kept walking. He was so charming. So amazing. She had fallen for him. Eventually she bumped into a wall and dropped her charts to the floor. She hit her head and fell back. It was funny, she started laughing. Derek heard her laughing and immediately rushed to her. "Are you okay?" He asked as he looked down at her with a smile. "Yeah" she laughed. "I was starting and then I accidentally bumped into this wall" she said as he helped her up. "Starting at what?" He asked with a chuckle. "Definitely not you!" She lied. They both laughed.

"So.. I was wondering" Derek said as he walked he into an on call room. "Since that night at the bar, I just couldn't stop thinking about you..." he admitted, "from the first moment I saw you I knew you are..." he continued. "I am what, Derek?" She said nervously. "You are the most amazing, beautiful, kind, and stunning human being there is. I um... I like you. A lot.." he whispered. "You what??" She teased him with a smile. " I like you" He said as he looked into he gorgeous eyes. "Well, that feeling is mutual" she said as she sat on one of the beds. She barely knew the guy, and she was already so comfortable with him. There was no awkwardness, none of them felt shy, they just felt good being together. "I am very glad!" He told her, satisfied with himself. Suddenly her pager beeped. "Ughhhh, 911" She said with disappointment. "This conversation is not over". She said softly and kissed him. She ran out, leaving him standing there. Amazed. How could one girl be so perfect? He wondered. Just from looking into her eyes, he knew this is going to last forever.

It was evening already. The days at the hospital passed so quick. Lexie still couldn't get over yesterday. She saw Meredith, she actually looked into her 'dead' sister's eyes. She was standing in the rain, waiting for a cab that could drive her to Redmond. To her father.

She had so many things to discuss about with him, and especially she needed to know why did he lie to her. Why did he make her think that Meredith was killed off.

"Lexie!!" Cristina shouted at her from the inside of the hospital. Lexie turned around and waved at her.

Cristina was her resident. She didn't really bother to remember her interns' last names, because she didn't consider them as doctors. How pathetic, Lexie thought. "Where do you think you are going? Your shift isn't over yet" Cristina asked as she walked towards her. "Oh, I know. I got an approval from the chief." Lexie told her quietly. "Oh okay" Cristina answered.

Lexie waited and waited but the cab never came. She didn't have her car with her, so she couldn't drive, and all of her friends were still inside. "Hello, you new here?" An unfamiliar voice asked her from behind. "Yeah, an intern. Cristina's" She said with a smile as she turned around. "Lexie" She told him as she shook his hand. "Mark. Mark Sloan" He said amazed. She was pretty. Very pretty. But she was young, so he stepped back from the idea he had. "Waiting for someone, Lexie?" Mark asked her with a smile. "Yeah, for a cab" she told him as she looked at the road. "I will drive you! Where are you going?" He said immediately. "Redmond" She said quickly, and then regretted it. He could be some insane stalker that would rape her in his car. But he didn't seem like this kind of guy. She could smell the scent of the OR scrub soap coming from him. She knew he was a good guy. "No problem" he said as he walked her to his car.

They drove quietly. "Is everything alright? You look stressed" he said as he looked at her. "I am a little stressed actually... but that's not a big deal" she lied. It was a big deal. A huge deal. "Okay then" he said as he stopped the car. "We're here!" He stated.

Lexie carefully got out of the car. She looked up at him. He was hot. Handsome, actually. He was much taller than her, and he had those amazing light blue eyes. "Thanks for the ride, Mark" she told him with a huge smile. "No problem dear" He told her as he got a small piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to her. "Call me if you need me" He said softly as he walked into his car and drove away.

Was that flirting?


	6. Bored

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

**please review if you liked / disliked my recent chapters :)**

Lexie stood in front of the house. She grew up in that house. For years, this house was the safest and most inviting place for her. But not now. Now she was terrified. She was so scared to knock on the door. She took a deep breath and knocked. She waited there for a while until someone opened the door. It was her mom, Susan.

"Lexie!! Oh, my dear, it's so nice to see you!" Susan said as she hugged her daughter. "Is everything alright?" She asked as she looked at Lexie's concerned face. "I'm... is dad home?" She asked softly. "He's upstairs" her mom responded with a smile. "Come on in" She said.

Lexie took the stairs. Her heart raced. She was both mad and afraid about this whole story. Could she just be imagining that her sister is alive? She stopped. She felt stupid for a second.

She shook her head and kept going.

Thatcher sat in his and Susan's bed and read a thick book. He looked so happy, so calm. "Dad!" Lexie yelled to steal his attention. "Lexie! Oh god you scared me!" Her dad said with a panic as he laid his book down. "Is everything okay lex?" He said curiously as he looked into her mad tearing eyes.

"How could you? How could you lie to me about something like that??" She asked as the tears started to fall. "Wh-what are you talking about?" He said softly. "You know what I'm talking about, dad!!" She said as she sat down. "I'm talking about my dead- not dead sister" she said as she began crying harder. "What??" He said in shock. "About Meredith, dad!! About the fact that you told me she died after what happened! About the fact that she is clearly NOT dead because I just saw her yesterday!!" She screamed. Thatcher was in shock. He thought that his daughter was insane. He watched Meredith die, it broke him. He would never lie about something like this.

"Lexie! You saw her?" He screamed with panic. "Don't look at me like I'm some crazy psycho!! I saw her at the hospital, yesterday." Lexie cried. "This can't be!! I watched my little daughter die. I got there and the paramedics said she was dead I... I ran home and told you! I would never lie about something like this, Lexie!! Ever!" He said with a bit of anger and confuse. "I'm sorry dad I just... I needed someone to blame I- I couldn't believe it" she cried as she got closer to him and hugged him.

"Lexie, can I see her tomorrow? Can I come to the hospital with you?" He said with hope. He still couldn't believe it. This wasn't real, he had to see her. "Y-Yeah" Lexie said and cried. "Stop it lex..." thatcher said as he hugged her tight. "I'm sorry it's just... it was a shock. Seeing her standing in from of me like nothing happened to her. It was a complete shock" Lexie whispered as she calmed down. They were seating there, tears covering their faces, until they both fell asleep.

Another ordinary morning. Meredith finally got a good night sleep. She didn't feel tired at all. She felt good, and excited. Today she will see Derek again, they would probably talk and kiss... and who knows? Maybe he will even asked her out.

She followed her usual routine. She took a shower, brushed her teeth, got dressed and went downstairs. Cristina wasn't home, she was on-call last night so she stayed at the hospital. Alex wasn't home either. She didn't know why and she didn't really care. Izzy was home, she was baking, as usual. "Something smells amazing!" Meredith said happily as she walked to the kitchen and stood next to Izzy. "Thank you" izzy said with a huge smile. Izzy was that kind of girl. Always happy. Constantly wearing a smile on her face. "It's waffles. Do you also want whipped cream or just chocolate? I know you love chocolate" Izzy said as she poured some chocolate on a waffle and handed it to Meredith. "Actually, I'm.. um... I'm never hungry in the mornings..." Meredith admitted. "I know but you have to eat, if you're gonna keep doing this you will just stay tiny like you are now" Izzy said softly and handed Meredith a cup of coffee. "Okay, mom" Meredith teased her. "Shut up, mer!! I'm just worried, that's all..." Izzy said as she looked at her friend. She was actually very skinny, and pale. But that was her usual.

"So don't be! I'm fine" Meredith said as she took a bite of her waffle. "Ohhhhhh, you did awesome,mom" Meredith moaned. "Stop it!!" Izzy said as she slapped her hand. "Speaking of mothers... I have always wondered... how is your mom, mer?" Izzy asked and then regretted it. Did she go to far? "Can we not do this now?" Meredith said softly. "Sorry" Izzy apologizes. Meredith and Izzy finished their waffles in complete silence.

"Let's go Izzy!!" Meredith shouted as she sat in the car. "Coming!!!" Izzy shouted back at her. They drove quickly to the hospital. Meredith wasn't really mad at Izzy for asking about her mother. It wasn't any of her business, but she doesn't know anything about what happened. "So Izzy, about earlier... I'm not mad. I just don't like to talk about my mom" Meredith admitted as they walked out of the car. "Thank god!" Izzy whispered and hugged Meredith. She liked Izzy. They should really spend some time together, she thought.

Even her interns couldn't piss her off today. Today was a happy day. Or at least that's was what she thought...

Meredith walked calmly around the hospital. Looking for some company. She was bored, it was a slow day. She had a surgery with dr. Nicks earlier, which kept her busy for most of the day, but now she had nothing to do. She hasn't seen Cristina since yesterday morning, Izzy was in surgery with Alex, and her interns were way to boring for her to even consider them as possible company.

She walked to the pit and noticed some of Cristina's interns eating on one of the beds. "What are you guys doing??" She asked angrily. "What? Uhm... eating?" One of them answered. "I can see that! But why here? On that bed? That a patient is supposed to be healing on?!" She shouted. That was so much fun. "Slow day..." another one said stupidly. "Just go to the freaking cafeteria!" Meredith said quickly as she motioned them to go. "Sorry, Dr...?" The intern said as he stood up. "Grey. Dr. Grey" Meredith responded with a smile. "Oh... anything to do with Lexie?" He asked and then regretted it. She looked confused. "Okay I will just leave..." he said as he started walking faster.

Lexie!! She is some awesome company, and they really need to catch up. They haven't talked in about 3 years. She should find her. She turned around and suddenly she saw Lexie. But she wasn't alone...

**In the next chapters you'll finally start to understand the whole story :) and I'm warning you, it's dark. Very very dark!**


	7. Julian?

**From now on, every part that's written between [ ] is a flashback! **

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

[ Meredith and Julian met in high school. They were best friends until the eventually fell in love. Everything was perfect, the never fought, they never cheated, they never lied. Both of their lives were perfect. When they finished high school, Julian went to law school. His biggest dream was to become a world class lawyer. He was smart, passionate, kind, generous. The men every girl would want. But then, just after he and Meredith bought an apartment, his mother died of cancer. He was broken, sad. He lost his sparkle. Meredith tried to comfort him about a million times, but he never listened. He went into depression, he failed his first year at law school, and he stopped loving. He stopped loving his life, he stopped loving his dreams, and he stopped loving any other human being. Including Meredith.

She felt sad for him, she knew the sadness was making him lose his mind, but she never thought for a second it would end up the way it did.]

end of flashback*

Meredith turned around and saw Lexie standing there. But she wasn't alone. Her father, Thatcher Grey, was standing next to her. The only person that cared about her so much in her life was standing in front of her. He was always there for her, but at some point, they stopped talking. All of the open hearted conversation she had with him were gone. She missed him so much.

She walked closer to them. They looked lost. Lexie was still new to the hospital so she didn't really know her was around, and her dad has never been in this place. She continued walking towards them. Suddenly, Thatcher turned around. He grabbed Lexie's hand strongly. "Oh my lord!!! Meredith!!!" He said as he started crying his soul out. He let go of Lexie and ran to her. He stood in front of her, looked into her eyes, and realized what he has done.

He hugged her so tightly, she could barely breathe. "Mer.. baby I missed you... I-I thought I've lost you forever... oh my little mer..." he said as he sobbed hardly. "Daddy..." Meredith said quietly as she chocked. "I'm so sorry honey..." he continued sobbing as he let go of the hug so he could look into her eyes again. Meredith finally breathed as she stepped back and looked at Lexie, who was walking towards them.

"What... what's wrong?" Meredith asked confused. She always thought that her family never spoke to her because she moved to Seattle without any of them knowing. She thought they were mad at her for disappearing, but she was wrong. "I went to dad's last night" Lexie explained, "And I talked to him, and apparently..." Lexie continued as she handed thatcher, who was still crying, some tissues. "Apparently he didn't even know you made it." She said quickly.

"What??" Meredith asked shocked. She couldn't imagine what it was like to think your daughter is dead for about 3 whole years. She looked at her dad. She could see he regretted everything. He felt guilty for everything. But why? That wasn't his fault... right?

Flashback*

[ At some point, Julian started drinking. When Meredith first met him, he didn't drink or smoke. When she first met him he was like the teacher's pet. He was responsible, he was following every possible rule there is, and he was so beautiful and amazingly charming. But after his mother's death. He turned into a beast. He drunk, and he smoked, and he had eating disorders, and poor Meredith tried so so hard on cheering him up, she tried so hard to support him, to make him feel like he had a reason to keep going. And just as he started getting better, he met a couple of boys in a bar that walked him into drugs. Meredith couldn't believe someone could be a drug addicted within a few days. She found drugs all over their apartment. She didn't know what to do. She tried to hide them, she tried to throw them away... and then, then he got violent.]

End of flashback*

Lexie, Meredith, and thatcher talked for hours. They cried a lot, and laughed a lot, but they all needed it. Meredith said goodbye to her dad and took his address.

She walked down the halls of the hospital, feeling healed. The conversation with her dad filled her up with new energies. She felt amazing. She didn't think she could feel better than she did, until she noticed Derek.

He was wheeling his patient towards the elevator. He quickly noticed her and held it as she ran to him. "Hello dr. Grey" Derek said with a smile. "Dr. Shepherd" she said back. "Aneurism... interesting" she said as she looked through the patient's chart. "Wanna scrub in?" He offered. "Sure!" She said happily.

The surgery went perfectly. She was so proud of herself, she did so good. Every now and then, Derek gave her a soft smile. She couldn't see his mouth because of the mask, but his eyes were smiling. His gorgeous eyes. They scrubbed out. "Meredith... we need to talk" he told her as He dried his hands. "Okay.." She responded.

They walked to an empty exam room. Derek quickly shut the doors. He was so in love. Just from looking his heart melted. "I want to take you on a date. Today. I know you will say yes because, well 'the feeling is mutual' " he quoted her with a chuckle "so I ordered a table for tonight. Eight o'clock. I'll pick you up at seven and a half" he said as he grabbed her hand softly "wow!! You are a really confident guy. Arrogant, if I may say" she said as she looked up at him. Oh god, he is so perfect. "Oh. You know you love me!" He laughed. "Actually, I really do" she said as she kissed him softly. What the hell was she doing?? She went way to far. She got dragged into this craziness. She couldn't do it again, she couldn't handle another heartbreak. She couldn't fall in love again. What if he will be like Julian? She panicked. She let go of the kiss, and ran away.

Flashback*

[ Meredith sent Julian to get treatment. She couldn't handle him anymore. She felt so guilty that she couldn't calm him. She felt so guilty for standing there and watching him ruining his life. She felt so guilty guilty for letting him drink. She felt so guilty that she didn't feel guilty when it first started.

Julian was supposedly getting better. He didn't do drugs anymore, he tried to avoid drinking, he apologized a lot, and he started loving Meredith again. But Meredith didn't anymore. She was walking on eggshells. She was so scared that she will say the wrong thing that will break him completely. He was constantly moody. He was given anti-psychotics. He was a complete mess. He lost his good look. He completely dropped out of school. He was passive aggressive. He was a beast.

Everyday Meredith felt the need to leave him. She suffered with him. She couldn't smell him anymore. But she couldn't leave him with nothing.

So she pulled through it. She kept believing this would be all over one day, and they will be just the happy and perfect Meredith and Julian. But they never did.]

end of flashback*


	8. Boom

**This whole chapter is a flashback!!!**

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

**_warning!! This chapter is hard to read... please, if you have a weak heart, don't read the final parts of it!!_**

Days passed, weeks passed, months. For almost 3 months, Meredith and Julian were suffering from their relationship. Julian has already gone crazy. He completely lost his mind, he wasn't thinking clearly. The anti psychotics turned his brain into mush. He was a shell of who he used to be. He didn't care about anything anymore. Everyday he woke up next to Meredith but he never noticed her. And Meredith? She felt bad for him, of course, she knew this wasn't exactly his fault, but she was to focused on her exams and research to even get him fixed.

And that's how it went, two and a half months of silence. No heart to heart conversation. No snuggling in bed. Not dinner together. No kissing. Not even a 'how was your day?'. Silence. And then it happened, but she could see it coming.

It was a Thursday afternoon. Meredith just got back from medical school. This was her first year, she was so busy. She had about a hundred papers to write on so many different subjects... anatomy, physiology, biology... she was drowning in work. She took the elevator to her's and Julian's apartment. It was in the 15th floor. She loved that feeling of being high. She unlocked the door and walked in, carrying her books with her hands, and pushed the door closed. Julian was there. He was sleeping. She sighed as she placed all of her books at the table next to their bed and sat down. She looked at Julian. She had to move out, or at least make him move out. She really couldn't watch him die from the inside out, she felt sorry for him. She missed those good times, when they were perfect. But now she knew for sure, it was over. There was no way of fixing him. No way. 5 psychologies tried. 3 different brands and types of medication, and a lot of support, couldn't do anything. It was too late...

Meredith sat next to the table and stared writing her paper. She was focused, concentrated. It was an easy task. She was satisfied with herself. She sat there with a smile, writing quickly, flipping through booked and notepads.

Julian slowly wakes up. He was drunk. He didn't tell her, but this morning, when she was already gone, he met some of his friends and they went drinking. He wasn't allowed to drink, though. The mixture of the alcohol in his stomach and the anti- psychotics in his blood was very dangerous. He didn't care. Or at least, that's what he thought. He let out a yawn and walked out of bed. "You're too loud, mer" he said with a weird tone. She looked up quickly. The last time he called her mer and not Meredith was too long ago for here to remember. She looked into his eyes. This wasn't him. He wasn't acting like himself. He was way too nice. "Oh gosh..." Meredith whispered. "Julian, are you drunk?!" She asked, terrified. "Um.. yeah, I might be" He said angrily as he drank some water. "But you know you aren't allowed to! You could die!!" She said shocked as she ran to him. "Why do you care? Huh?" He said as he pushed her back. Strongly. She was scared. He has never hit her before. Her heart started racing. "I'm just worried, that's all... you know, the mixture of alcohol and those pills is so very dangerous, Julian! Just sit down, you can hurt yourself if you walk around like that!" She said as she tried to sit him down. "Don't you dare tell me what to do!! You bitch!! You aren't the boss of me!" He shouted. That's it. Now she knew, he wasn't himself. And he probably had no idea what he was doing. "Just sit down!!!" She tried to shout back. But she couldn't. Her heart skipped a beat as she watched him pull something out of his bag. She stood there, unable to move or breath. This was the end.

Julian pulled out a gun. He was insane. "Just shut up you stupid bitch!!! SHUT IT!" Julian screamed as he pointed the gun at her. She froze. She started tearing. "Julian. Put the gun down. Now." She said quietly as she looked him in the eye. "No!! I should have done it much earlier!!" He said as he loaded his gun. This wasn't him. How could that be?? And then it hit her. This was the effect of the alcohol. It made him loose his damm mind. "Julian!!!" She tried to shout. He shot her. He shot her in the chest.

She collapsed to their living room floor. She was still tearing. She was in too much pain to move. She opened her eyes and saw the blood spreading down th floor. He was pissed, she could see. "You should have stopped!!" He shouted as he watched her cry. He started sobbing too. He couldn't believe what he had done. He couldn't looks at her like that. But then, he lost it again.

Julian picked her up. She was already unconscious. He was pretty sure she was dead. He took his arm and broke to big window by their kitchen counter. He threw her down the broken window. And not because he wanted her to be in more pain. He tried to hide the evidence. He watched her lifeless body fall through the window: "I'm so sorry mer!!!" He sobbed hardly. He took the gun, and shot himself in the head. It was all over, for both of them.

**I'm so sorry if it was hard to read... (hahaha I almost cried while writing it). just understand that Julian wasn't in his right mind! I would never make someone to knowingly do that!! And yes, Julian is dead :(**


	9. Red all over

**This chapter will also be a flashback! (Just like the previous chapter)**

**Enjoy ;)**

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

Julian laid there. Dead. He killed himself and tried to take Meredith down with him. Their whole apartment was filled with blood. Some Meredith's, some Julian's. It was terrible. A complete disaster.

Meredith was spreaded on the sidewalk. She was laying in her own pool of blood. Her clean clothes were soaked with it. The tiny body was just laying there, no movement, not even a breath. But no one was there to notice her.

Robert was one of Meredith and Julian's neighbors. He lived in the apartment right above them. He knew them well, he knew thatcher well, he even knew Julian's dead mother. Robert was on his way home when he walked on the sidewalk. He was happy, his day went great. And then he saw her. He couldn't believe that such a tiny person could contain so much blood in her body. He was shocked. "Meredith!? Meredith can you hear me??" He shouted as he ran towards her. No answer. Not even a breath for yes. Deadly. "Oh my god... Meredith!!" He tried again. Nothing.

He quickly called 911 and thatcher. They were friends.

After a quick call to thatcher, he rushed back to Meredith. He was so scared. He has never seen anything like this. How could that happen to her though? He looked up at their apartment windows. Broken. One of them was broken. His heart broke for her. He saw blood running down her shirt. What could cause that?? And then he looked at her chest. Gunshot. She was shot. He quickly pressed his hands on the bleeding wound. And he stayed like that until the ambulance arrived.

Thatcher panicked. His friend called and said something happened to Meredith. To his little girl. Robert sounded nervous on the phone. All thatcher could hear is blood. Once he hears the word he jumped to his car. He drove to Meredith's apartment. He crossed in a red light and almost ran over someone. But he didn't care. His little girl was in trouble. And he knew this was going to be bad.

As he ran out of his car he saw an ambulance and h big crowd next to it. He walked closer to her. He was terrified. He moved some people that were standing in his way and his heart stopped. Red. Thick dark red blood was all he could see. Everywhere. He knew this was the end. He sobbed as he ran to her and kissed her extremely pale face. "Sir, please step back!!" One of the paramedics told him sharply. "No! She- she's my daughter!" Thatcher yelled as he watched them try to revive her. "Oh... I'm sorry sir..." the paramedic said as she looked at him and then down at Meredith with sad eyes. "Are you telling me she's... no!! That can't be!!! What even happened to her??" Thatcher sobbed hardly. "According to some people that were here earlier, she fell out of her apartment window, and we also found a GSW in her chest" the other paramedic said as he looked up at the broken apartment window. "But sir... we had no heartbeat for 23 minuets already. The chances of survival is pretty much impossible. I'm... im sorry for your lost..." the paramedic said as he checked Meredith's pulse again. "WHAT?? No! Please don't! Please don't stop!!" He yelled as he tried to press her chest, What only made her bleed hardly. "I can't... I just... oh my god..." he cried as he kissed her one more time. He stepped back from the crowd, and said goodbye to his oldest daughter.

He decided he should go look for Julian. How could he let her fall out of the freaking window? And where was he?

Thatcher took the elevator. The tears couldn't stop falling. His heart was torn apart. He stepped to the door and knocked. No answer. Again. No answer. He ringed the bell. Twice. No answer. So he pushed the door open, it wasn't locked. "Julian!!!" He yelled while he sobbed. He walked around the house, and then he finally got to the kitchen. He saw him. So much blood, too much blood for one day. Julian laid there with his eyes open. He had a blood soaked gun next to his dead arm. He was shot at the head. It was horrible. The window's bloody glass was all over the place. He didn't want to look down the broken window, because he knew he would see her. Dead.

What happened?? , he thought. He called 911. Someone came and shot Julian, he assumed, and then he threw Meredith out of the window. It was all too much for him. He left the apartment's door open, got into his car, and drove home. His daughter was dead, and so as her psycho boyfriend, and now he has to tell that to his wife and other daughter. The one that was still alive.

The paramedics finally decided to get Meredith to the hospital. The didn't really believe she could make it. They only did it because they saw how broken thatcher was.

On the way to the hospital, they suddenly found a pulse. It was barely there, but it was. It was unbelievable. The little girl was technically dead a few moments ago, and now she has a pulse.

Just as Meredith got to the hospital, they immediately rushed her into the OR . She needed so many surgeries. Brain surgery from the falling, heart surgery from the gunshot, surgeries all over the place in order to fix her. She was literally a miracle. Even her doctors were amazed that she survived. She lost about half of the blood in her body, and yet, she made it. They called her mom. Ellis. Meredith barely got to see her mom. She lived so far away and she was such a busy woman. Ellis and thatcher didn't talk. There was no communication between them. So when Ellis came to see her broken daughter laying in a hospital bed, intubated, hung on life support, half dead, she didn't think even for a second to call him.

Meredith woke up after two weeks. It was sudden. Her mom was sleeping next to her bed, holding her hand lightly, and suddenly Meredith started coughing. She tried to fight the tube, she tried to talk, but she couldn't. So she squeezed the hand she was holding, without even knowing who it was. Ellis woke up quickly as she felt the squeeze. She thought she was dreaming. But no, there she was, Meredith still had her eyes closed, but she was fighting the tube, for sure. She was alive.

Meredith couldn't open her eyes. The pain was too great. Her whole body hurt. She couldn't even remember what happened, she just remembered falling and falling and falling until everything was gone. "Meredith!! Oh my god... nurse!!" Ellis said in excitement. The nurse walked in and pulled the tube out of her throat. "You're okay" Ellis said as she held Meredith's arm. "You were shot, mer. And you fell out of your apartment's window... and I'm so sorry, but the person who did it... he killed Julian, I'm so sorry dear" Ellis whispered as she whipped the tears out of Meredith's face. And then it hit her. Meredith remembered everything now. The screaming, the yelling, Julian shooting her, Julian going crazy, her passing out... she remembered all of it. She drifted into the unconsciousness once again. All she wanted to do is never wake up. She wished she was dead. But she wasn't. After a few weeks Meredith was discharged. Her mother sent her to live and study at Seattle. She met Cristina. And everything seemed to be left behind. Not no one ever knew what happened there. No one knew it was her boyfriend who did this to her. No one knew what he told her. And no one will ever know. Well, at least that's what she thought...

**Please review!! The next chapter will no longer be a flashback, so stay tuned :)) MERDER IS COMING!!**


	10. Fast and furious

**Some of you are saying there's something wrong with my reviews... please tell me what it is so I can figure it out!! Your reviews make me so happy and i will love to read them so PM to me about what's wrong :) **

**Thanks :)**

**The story is now back th the real time **

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS (well except from Julian hahaha)

It was seven o'clock. Meredith was worried. Derek was supposed to pick her up at seven thirty and she felt completely unready. All she could think about is Julian's face while he shot her. She could not go through something like this again. She couldn't go through all of that pain again. That heartbreak. Since the previous events with Julian, Meredith has learned to ignore love. She was scared to love people. She was scared to get too attached to people. But Derek? He was different. She could see it in his eyes. She could see he won't be like Julian. So she wore the dress, she did her hair and make up, and stepped out of the house. A nice medium size car stopped right next to the front door. The window opened to a smiling Derek. "You coming, Meredith?" He charmingly asked. Meredith blushed and nodded. She felt like an excited middle schooler who's crush just asked her out. She slowly walked into her seat and closed the door. "You look stunning" Derek said, amazed by her look. She wore a dark blue dress with black heels. Her outfit was pretty ordinary but she looked gorgeous wearing it. Her blonde long curls were spreaded all over her shoulders, her light blue eyes were sparkling, her skinny body looked amazing in that dress. Like some kind of angle, he thought to himself.

After a short drive out of Seattle, Meredith and Derek arrived to the restaurant. It was fancy. Too fancy. Meredith looked around at all of the eating people. The all looked so happy and wealthy, like none of them ever knew sadness in their lives. She looked down at her dress, who was scooting down her chest, showing the top of her boobs, and quickly lifted it up. Not because of the boobs, because of the scar. Ugh she hated these scars. She always felt ugly with them. They limited her outfit options. She just wished she never had them at the first place.

Derek tried to read the menu, but he couldn't. His eyes just kept running through Meredith's face. Perfection, he thought. Meredith and Derek both ordered their meals and the waitress handed them both a small glass of champagne. The sipped lightly as the waitress walked away. "So... it's officially a date!" Derek smiled at her. "Yeah... indeed" she said softly. "So Meredith, tell me about yourself" Derek said while he grabbed his glass. "What, is this some kind of reality show? Come on, Derek... you know who I am" she said with some sort of confusion. "All I know is that your name is Meredith Grey, you are a second year surgical resident at Seattle Grace, you like tequila, you're 'person' is Cristina, and you are the most amazing person I've ever seen." He said. "I want to know about the background... you know, family? Where you grew up? Any pets? Hobbies?" He laughed at the confused look on Meredith's face. "Um.. I.. um..." she said nervously. "Here's an example" he smiled and continued "I was born in New York to a huge family, I have about a dozen sisters, literally, and I had a dog named rocky when I was in elementary school. I met Mark at middle schools and since then we have been practically brothers. I love to fish... oh! And I had about four girlfriends, so just so you know, none of them looked like you" He said, teasing her. "Your turn." He said as she laughed. "Um.. oh well I was born in Boston but when I was about 4 years old I moved to Seattle and then I moved to Redmond and eventually I came back to Seattle three years ago. I, um.. I have a sister, actually. A half sister, you know, my dad's other daughter, but I've never been a fan of big families... I never had pets, not even a fish. My mom used to say pets are the most ridiculous thing the human society ever came up with, so no pets. Hobbies? I like drinking, and um.. watching movies. Yeah, I'm a fan of that. What else? Boyfriends? I had one serious boyfriend in my life but none ever since... oh, and as you can see while I start talking I can not stop. Get used to it" she said as Derek looked at her, shocked. Right now, he was on cloud nine.

The night went perfectly smooth. They talked and laughed and the food was great. Derek dropped Meredith at her house and kissed her cheek. "I'm already in love with you!" She giggled. She was a bit drunk. "Oh, I know you are" Derek said proudly. "See you tomorrow, good night" they both said, like right on cue.

Meredith stepped into the house. She kind of expected to see her roommates around, but she definitely didn't expect them to wait for her at the door. She opened the door and hit Alex's foot. "Ouch, Grey!!" He yelled. "Sorry.. why were you all standing so close to the door anyways? Hah? Were you that bored?" She laughed as she stared going up the stairs, while Alex limped behind her with Izzy helping him up. "We just wanted to know how did it go with shepherd. You know, your DATE?" Izzy answered. "What?? No! That wasn't a date!" She tried defending herself. Izzy and Alex looked at her and then switched looks. "Okay, dammit!! It was a date, and it was perfect... but it is none of your business" she yelled "and where the hell is cristina??" She shouted as she started taking her shoes off. "Oh, right here" Cristina said quietly as she peeked from behind the door. I was just waiting for you to admit that you and McDreamy are dating" she said with a self- satisfied tone. "McDreamy??" Alex asked. "You know, Derek Shephard" Cristina said casually as she sat on Meredith's bed and opened the TV. "Do you guys want to watch a movie?" She said. "Sure" they all responded. "I'm just taking a quick shower, I'll be back" Meredith said as she walked into the bathroom.

The four of them sat at the bed and watched "fast and furious 4". "That's such a crappy movie" Izzy said, eating her popcorn. "Indeed" Cristina said. "I kinda like it.. a lot of hot women, gunshots wounds, flipping cars, probably multiple crush injuries... definitely my favs" Alex laughed. "I still don't get the point of the movie" Meredith giggled. "Well, there's that guy and he drove into that other guy who shot this guy who cheated on this girl with that one" Cristina said as she pointed at the screen "no like seriously, I have no idea" she laughed "I mean what's the point of making a movie about someone who -OUCH!!- mer, what the hell?? I need that hand, you know..." Cristina said as she grabbed her arm out of Meredith's grab, who grabbed Cristina's arm strongly to the sound the the gunshot, and was now staring straight without moving. "Are you okay??" Izzy said as she looked at her. "I'm fine.. just a little soar.. Meredith is a strong girl!" Cristina said. "Not you!! Mer... are you alright?" Izzy asked again. No answer. She breathed too fast. She couldn't control herself. This movie wasn't for her. So many guns. So many people getting shot. Every gunshot, her stress level rose until she couldn't handle it anymore. "Meredith calm down, just breath normally" Cristina said, a little worried. She was so stressed. It has never happened to her before, and she just didn't know what to do. "Mer, do you want to go calm down at the bathroom for a sec?" Izzy quickly said as she tried to guide Meredith to breathe. "Yes" Meredith managed to get out of the mouth. She was so stressed, so hyperventilated, that when she walked to the bathroom she eventually passed out.


	11. Too tired

**I know it's frustrating but please try to review :)**

**I would really appreciate it**

I DO NOT OWN GREYS ANATOMY/ ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

Meredith was scared. She didn't know what was going on. She was on her way to the bathroom and suddenly everything went black. It reminded her of the falling. She was terrified. She couldn't breathe normally, so she fainted.

"Meredith!!" Izzy yelled as Meredith fell down and Alex rushed to grab her. "What the hell?!?" He said as he carried her to the bed and layed her down. She could barely breathe. "Meredith wake up" Cristina said as she tried to wake Meredith. "Why did this happen? Is she sick or something?" Alex asked. "Because she just passed out. It is not normal!" He continued as he gently lifted her legs. "It's taking too long... I'm getting the water" Cristina said after a couple of seconds as she walked into the bathroom. She walked out with a bucket of water and poured it all over Meredith. She slowly started to wake up. she breathed heavily and asked "what-what happened?". "Mer, you fainted..." Izzy said as she played with Meredith's wet hair. Meredith looked around at the bed. It was all wet. She panicked for a second and then saw Cristina holding a bucket. "Are you okay? Why did this happen?" Alex asked as he slowly dropped her legs back down. "I, um... I don't know" she said quickly. But she did know, she knew exactly why this whole thing happened. "Probably just stress.. residency is exhausting" she said with a soft smile as she tried to get up. "Stay right where you are!" Alex said as he held her down. "Meredith it started before.. you know, the whole killing my arm thing? Was that also stress?" Cristina said as she looked at her friend. "I don't know Cristina! I'm very tired, leave me alone" Meredith said as a tear slid down her cheek. They all looked at her sadly and helped her up. "I am going to sleep now" she said as she stood up, dizzy. "Maybe I should stay with you tonight? You know, just to make sure you're alright?" Izzy asked as she held Meredith's arm lightly. "No, I don't need a babysitter, Izzy" she rolled her eyes. "And I am fine!" She yelled as they all left her room. Meredith was exhausted, she didn't lie. She was so tired from that long day she had. She quickly changed her wet bed sheets to a fresh and dry pair and drifted into sleep.

Morning came quick. Too quick. Everyone at the house were tired. Too tired. Izzy was too tired to bake, Alex was too tired to tease Izzy, and Cristina was too tired to even get out of her bed. Meredith was tired. But not because lack of sleep. She was just tired of her life. She crawled out of bed and into the bathroom and took a shower. Showers always make her feel better. The burning hot water made her numb, she loved it. She walked out of the bathroom and got dressed, and then she walked downstairs. She was surprised to not see warm breakfast at the table. "Izzy!" She yelled. "I'm asleep mer! Leave me alone!!" Izzy said from her room. "Come on iz, you need to get up" Meredith said softly as she sat on Izzy's bed. "I'm too tired to do that" Izzy yawned. "Tired? You got a full night sleep!" Meredith laughed. "Actually, I didn't..." Izzy said as she sat up. "You fainting last night wasn't exactly the best thing to think about when I tried to sleep. You made me so worried, mer" Izzy said quietly. "It got to the level where I considered going up to your room and checking on you" she continued sadly. "Stop it! I'm a grown up! I am fine." Meredith said, shocked that Izzy was actually worried. "Oh, and don't think it's just me! When I walked upstairs I saw Alex and Cristina talking next to your room. You really made us all worried. Plus, you normally snore, but last night you didn't. We all thought you were dead" Izzy said with a giggle and Meredith rolled her eyes. "By the way, Where are Alex and Cristina?" Meredith asked as she dragged Izzy out of her bed. "Asleep" Izzy said as she walked towards the coffee maker. "I wish I could have been too" She said with disappointment. "Oh no, you don't" Meredith said angrily. She ran upstairs and grabbed both of her sleeping friends out of their beds. "Wake up!! Now!!" She screamed as she sat them down at the kitchen and handed them both a cup of coffee. "You'll need that, you look like crap" she teased them. "I'm waiting at the car, but I will leave soon. So if you want a ride hurry up!!" She yelled as she walked to the door. "Okay... She is okay" Cristina said sleepily and shocked from her friend.

The four of them drove quietly to the hospital. Everyone were too tired to even talk. Each of them sank at their deep thoughts. Cristina was curious, and she decided. Tonight she is going to talk to Meredith. Tonight she will make Meredith tell her the whole story ,or at least the major part of it. Tonight, she will find out the reason for Meredith's scars. Tonight seemed so far away...but yet so close. Tonight.

**I'm so sorry this chapter is so short... I have a really nice idea for the next couple of chapters, but I would love if you review about what you want to read next... maybe some other characters / ships... even though I love this mer centered theme !**

**Idk, just write something :)**


	12. Someone familiar

"Yang! Grey! Stevens! Karev!" Dr. Torres, their chief resident yelled as she walked into the lounge. "Pit! Now!!" She said harshly. "Let your interns do rounds and come with me!" She said as she walked towards the ER and the rest followed her. "There's a new trauma attending that is being tested out for the hospital, and you'll be assisting him in surgery today. There's a big trauma coming in!!" She said as she motioned to them to walk outside. As they walked outside, they saw the tall handsome attending. "Oh, hot!" Cristina whispered to Meredith, and Meredith giggled. He heard them coming closer and turned around. "Hello! My name is dr. Blair and I might be your new trauma attending. But first, there a big one coming in 2 minuets and you'll be assisting me with it" He said with a smile. His face looked perfect. He looked so smart and capable. Meredith looked at him, and panicked. His face looked familiar. Too familiar. But why?

The ambulance rushed in. "Grace Schwartz, 26 years old, major traumatic injuries to her head, chest, and abdomen after her car crashed and fell out of the highway. It took about 25 minuets to get her out, she lost about a quarter of her volume, she was intubated in the field. She also crashed on the way here and we got her back after a few shocks, her pulse is now weak and slow" the paramedics said as they rolled the young woman into the trauma room. Dr. Blair barked some orders and somehow managed to stop the bleeding from the woman's chest. "She's a dead man walking..." Izzy said quietly as she slowly squeezed the ambu that was connected to the woman's mouth. "Not yet! Let's rush her into surgery stat and um... you!" He said as he pointed at Alex, order some o neg and as well as some AB! And then meet us in the OR!" He said as he started rolling the bed out of the trauma room. His work at the trauma room was amazingly clean and efficient. He was able to stop the woman from bleeding and he actually stabilized her. They all ran after him, shocked. They all looked up for him right now. But Meredith still couldn't remember why he was so familiar...

At the OR they all worked fast. He was letting the residents do most of the surgery on their own, with him leading them through. "Labs are here" Lexie said as she walked inro the OR. She was Cristina's resident, so Cristina let her run labs for her. "Thank you!" Dr. Blair shouted "hey, you're an intern, right?" He asked as Lexie nodded. "Great! Come and observe! It's a great learning experience!" He said charmingly. Lexie walked closer. "Actually, everything is pretty calm now. She is stable, no more bleedings, we are getting ready to close" Izzy said with a smile from underneath her masks and the rest smiled back at her. "Dr. Blair, I must ask" Cristina said as she looks Ike's at him. "How did you know not to give up on this case? How could you believe this girl will eventually stay alive?" She asked, amazed. Be. Blair looked at her, satisfied. "Let me tell you a quick story... it was a nice and calm day in my fifth year of residency. I was walking around, trying to get as much good surgeries for my boards, and suddenly a big trauma came in. It was a young woman, she was shot it the chest and then fell down 15 floors. She was barely alive. She lost so much blood she looked so pale that I thought she was dead. She was covered in blood, the paramedics said there was no pulse at the scene. She just looked like she was a chewing gum that was just picked up from the floor. I didn't think for a split second that she will survive. We shocked her a couple of times and rushed her into the OR. She was a mess, blood everywhere..." he talked and looked at the residents. Then Meredith understood. He was _her _doctor. She remembered seeing his charming face every time she opened her eyes. Her eyes met Lexie's. Lexie understood from Meredith's look that it was her. Dr. Blair continued " I wanted out of this case, but I just couldn't watch that young beautiful woman die in my arms. So I worked as hard as I could. I stayed with her for hours, days, weeks until she woke up. And I will never forget this case. This case made me want to become a trauma surgeon. This case made want to do the impossible. If I knew the girl's name I would thank her everyday for that. And that's it, don't ever give up on your patients. Even if it seems that they can't be saved. Because I didn't, and eventually she survived." He said as he started to close the open body infront of him. Lexie started crying softly and quickly walked out. He looked at her with confuse, and then he looked at Cristina. "You're her resident, aren't you?" He asked softly and a shocked Cristina nodded. "Go talk to her" he smiled as Cristina walked towards Lexie and out of the operating room. "You two, go prep a room at the ICU" He said softly as he looked at Izzy and Alex. That nodded and walked away. "Any you can finish closing. Dr..?" He said as he handed her the stapler. "Grey. Dr. Grey" Meredith said as her voice cracked. He looked at her in the eyes and took his mask off. "It's you. Meredith Grey, right??" He asked in shock as Meredith nodded and a tear escaped out of her eye. "I'm glad you're still alive...How are you doing?" He said as he removed the mask from her face and walked towards the scrub room. "I'm fine, thank you" She said quietly. "I'm so sorry, Meredith. I didn't know it was you from underneath the mask..." he said as he looked at her face with sad eyes. "That's fine, I didn't really recognize you either" she giggled. "Anyways, I guess, Thank you. You know, for saving my life" she said with a smile. "Thank you! I would have been nothing without you" He said happily. "Oh, because I can do it all again if you need some more motivation... I could find myself another crazy boyfriend that will shoot me and throw me out of the window, you know" she said, and then regretted it. She never told anyone what really happened, and for some reason, it felt completely fine saying it out loud. Like she could face the fact that Julian did this to her without falling apart. "What? I.. I'm.. I didn't... your boyfriend did this to you?" He asked, shocked. "Yeah.. long story... I actually never told this to anyone. It's our little secret, okay?" She asked quietly. "Okay. It was nice meeting you!" He said as he walked out of the scrub room. She couldn't believe what just happened.


	13. Pain

**Ugh! Finally a new update :) I'm sorry it took so long but for some reason I just didn't know what to write so it took me a while heheh.**

**Enjoy this mertina chapter!**

Meredith finally got back home from the hospital. She was exhausted. The long surgery and the conversation with dr. Blair have sucks the life out of her. She was tired, confused, and mostly shocked from the incredible coincidence about dr. Blair. Meredith couldn't wait to get into the hot tub water and crawl into her warm bed.

She entered the house and went to her bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn't even recognize herself anymore. The happy, shiny, clever, enthusiastic girl who she was a few years ago was gone and replaced with dark, sad, frustrated, and exhausted one. Her eyes no longer had their shine. Her cheeks weren't as blushed. She was pale, and depressed, an in pain. So much pain was built in her body. Emotionaly, sure. But she couldn't barely handle the physical pain. Every morning she hoped that this day would go smoothly, and then she gets out of her bed and these hopes are being crushed. Pain was one thing. She could try and handle it. But hiding her pain? Hiding her story? From her friend? From Cristina? From Derek?? This was a whole new level of torture.

A few tears managed to escape her eyes, sliding down her pale cheeks. She dried them off but they kept coming back. She was just about to rip her clothes off and step into the hot water when she suddenly heard a faint knock on the door. Cristina. "Come in" She said lightly. "Hi mer" Cristina said as she opened the door and walked towards the drawer next to the toilet without even looking at Meredith. "What are you doing?" Meredith said as she tried to stop herself from crying and her voice cracked. "Looking for som toilet paper, Izzy and George ran out of it" Cristina said as she shoved her hand into the drawer one more time. "You're not going to find it there" Meredith whispered, trying to stop the tears one more time. Cristina slowly turned around. "What is it? Are you okay?" Cristina asked softly as she grabbed Meredith's right arm and squeezed it gently. "Yeah, it's nothing, I'm fine." She said quickly as she whipped the tears off of her face and looked at the floor. Cristina's face suddenly filled with anger. She couldn't stand it anymore. "NO" she snapped as Meredith looked up at her, very confused. "You are so not _fine, _Meredith..." Cristina said with anger but with a worried expression on her face. Meredith was confused. She opened her mouth to defend herself but Cristina stopped her. "No. I'm talking now." Cristina said as she closed the door. "If there's anything I've learned in the past two years is that Meredith Grey cannot admit that she's a human being. You're always 'fine' but you never are! So either you tell my now what the hell is wrong or I will get it out of you" Cristina said as she looked into Meredith's tearing eyes. "It's really nothing Cristina.. I'm fi-" Meredith tried to speak again. "NO!! You're not fine! You are not close to being fine! You have scars covering you whole body, you have nightmares, you wake up in pain every morning, I see you swallowing these pills of yours every day, you never talk about anything, you secretly cry in the bathroom, you have panic attacks and you faint, AND YOU KEEP SAYING THAT YOU ARE FREAKING FINE WHEN YOU CLEARLY ARE NOT!" Cristina snapped. Meredith was scared. How could Cristina possibly know all of those things? The scars? The nightmares? The pain pills?. But that didn't matter right now because Cristina was right. "How?" Meredith asked quietly as the tears kept running. "I say you with a v shirt once, we sleep over all the time so I know that you wake up in the middle of every night, sweating and shaking, and the pills? I have known since last year you were taking them daily, but I just recently figured out they were pain relievers..." Cristina said, almost feeling guilty for knowing all of this. Meredith couldn't speak. She froze and looked into her friend's angry eyes . "I-" Meredith tried to speak again, but failed. "I am your person mer. I'm your best friend since the first day of the last year of Ned school. We have done everything together for the passed two years. You can tell me anything, Meredith. You should tell me everything. I'm here for you, and I absolutely cannot watch you suffer like that." Cristina said with tears in her eyes. All Meredith could do is stare at Cristina with fear and nodd. "Okay" she managed to whisper. "I'll tell you" She said as she whipped the tears. "Thank you" Cristina whispered back, crying too.

Cristina and Meredith sat on Meredith's bed, staring at each other. Meredith took a deep breath as she stopped her sobs and whispered to herself "here we go..". Cristina looked scared of what her friend might say. She expected the worst, but she definitely did not expect what Meredith was about to tell her...

"So, it all started about four years ago.. I met a guy named Julian," Meredith shivered just from saying his name "and we fell in love. We were perfect, we enjoyed each other. We bought an apartment together, we even considered getting a dog too" she smiled. "Julian" shivers again "went to law school and I started med school and everything was pretty perfect, until" she felt her tears trying to get out of her eyes again "until about three years ago his mom died due to cancer. He freaked out. He started drinking to cover his pain, he dropped out of school, and at some point he even started doing drugs.. he was a mess. Depression took over. He was no longer who he used to be and I witnessed this change but did nothing. I felt guilty, so I didn't leave him even though I couldn't stand being with him. We went to see psychologists, therapists, he was even given anti psychotics.. oh god" She chocked on her tears. "Mer.. it's okay, breathe" Cristina conforted her. "Okay.. he just... one day he got home and started acting weirder than ever.. eventually I found out that he has been drinking, while taking his anti psychotics as usual" Meredith continued as Cristina's face were shocked "What?..." Cristina said quietly as She started understanding. "Yeah. Eventually later that day, he has gone completely crazy. It got to the point that he took out a gun and.." Meredith tried to speak but the tears kept dripping "and he shot me. Once. In the chest. And if that wasn't enough for you, Cristina, you'll be glad to know that after I passed out he took me and threw me out of the window. And then he shot himself in the head." Meredith said she she waited to see Cristina's reaction.

Cristina couldn't talk because she was too shocked. Obviously. She was shocked because she didn't expect to hear these words coming out of Meredith's mouth. The woman who she called her _person, _eventually got shot and throw out of a window. By her freaking boyfriend.

Cristina couldn't do anything but to start crying into Meredith's chest. This ended completely different than what she expected...

**I am begging you. REVIEW. Please.**


	14. Aftershock

**Please review so I know someone's still reading :)))**

Cristina sobbed hardly into Meredith's chest as Meredith patted he back. "Meredith.. I-I-I'm so so s-Sorry.." she cried as Meredith started tearing as well. "For what?" Meredith whispered through her tears. "I-i shouldn't have asked.. I shouldn't have looked... it was none of my damm business!" She cried, feeling more guilty than she ever felt. "Oh, you're kinda right... you had nothing to do with it.." Meredith laughed sarcastically as she tried to cheer Cristina up. "No, mer, I should feel guilty and you should be allowed to be angry. You have gone through such a horrible experience and I-I-I shouldn't have brought it up again.." Cristina said quietly as she looked at Meredith's tearing eyes and whipped the tears off of her face. "I'm so sorry" she repeated and hugged Meredith as hard as she could. Cristina couldn't even start to imagine how it felt. She couldn't even picture the sight of Meredith, lying on the sidewalk, lifeless, bleeding, broken, hurt, alone. And then it hit her. Meredith was all alone. She handled it all by herself. Cristina knew that Meredith's mom didn't give a crap about her daughter, and from what she understood, her father haven't talked to her in years. Meredith suffered all alone. There was no one to help her up in the mornings, no one to whip up her tears and sweat when she woke up in the middle of the night, no one understood the amount of pain she was in, no one understood. No one. She had nothing. All by herself. "I'm so so sorry, Meredith" Cristina whispered again. "Stop it, I am completely fine now. Alive and breathing, and _you_ have nothing to be sorry for. You are my person Cristina! You were there for me when I needed you. You always supported me, you are my savior. Thank you." Meredith said softly as she held her friend.

Suddenly the door opened slightly, interrupting their moment. "Um.. Cristina? Are you in there?" Izzy asked quietly. "Are you and mer okay? I think we heard crying..." Alex whispered as he turned on the lights in Meredith's room, exposing two crying faces. "We're fine. We are fine. Right, Cristina?" Meredith said as she quickly stood up and whipped the remaining tears off of her cheeks. "Yep. Completely fine" Cristina said, still shaking from what Meredith told her. "Oh.. sure you are" Alex said a sad smile as he looked at his friends. "Alex, drop it. Let's go find that toilet paper you've been looking for because Meredith doesn't seem to have any" Cristina said as she tried to keep it together and dragged Alex out of the room, while he looked at Izzy with a concerned look. "I can walk by myself! Leave me alone" Alex fought Cristina and she laughed a little. They quickly left the room.

Izzy stared at Meredith and sat her down at the bed. Meredith looked so pale, so exhausted, so sad.. "Meredith." Izzy said with a serious look. She didn't smile, not this time. "You know you can tell me anything, right? There's no judgment in this house." Izzy stated. "Look, Izzy.. it's just that.. I-um.. I-I- I had an accident a few years ago.. c-Cristina saw a scar on my neck and asked about it. That's it.. I-I would really like if we don't get into details Izzy.." Meredith said as she looked at the floor. "I'm so sorry, mer.. I didn't mean to invade your personal life.. sorry" Izzy said, regretting that she even walked into the room. "You don't need to be.. that's fine, I'm fine, Cristina will be fine, everything is just fine.." Meredith said softly, trying to confort Izzy, but it was clearly more to calm herself down.

Meredith tried to sleep. She couldn't, she couldn't move. Her whole body hurt. Her chest felt like it's gonna explode, her head pounded, her legs and arms were numb, her back felt broken. She wanted to sleep. Hell, there wasn't anything she wanted more than a nice peaceful sleep. But not tonight, tonight she was in too much pain to sleep. She wanted to reach and take one of her pain relievers. She _needed _to reach and grab one of them before she would pass out from the pain. It happened to her before, once or twice. But she couldn't move. She was frozen. A small tear escaped her eye.

Suddenly someone laid next to her. She new the smell of the vanilla shampoo. Cristina. "Mer.. I can't sleep. Can I please please please stay here tonight?" Cristina asked quietly. Meredith's eyes were close, but she didn't snore. She was wide awake. "Meredith? I know you're awake" Cristina said again as she noticed the tear on her cheek. "Meredith are you okay?" Cristina asked as she held Meredith's arm. She was expecting to hear the usual 'I'm fine', but she didn't. "N-no, please h-help me" Meredith cried faintly. It even hurt to talk. The conversations today brought it all back to her. "What!? Meredith? Breathe! What do you need?" Cristina panicked. "T-the p..pills, please" she whispered numbly. "Oh,okay Meredith. Hang on!" Cristina said softly as she grabbed two pills and a glass of water and handed them to Meredith. "Thank you" Meredith cried and drifted into sleep. She was in bad shape today. Really bad.

Cristina run all of today's events in her head. And then she remembered Lexie crying in the OR. Just right after dr. Blair told his patient's story. Cristina knew that Lexie was Meredith's sister, they never really talked about it. Cristina finally started understanding. It was her. Meredith. She was dr. Blair's miracle patient. _She _survived against all odds and changes. _She _had so much blood covering her face, according to what dr. Blair said. _Meredith Grey, her person, he best friend, her sister, her savior, her helper _was the one. Cristina squeezed Meredith's hand tightly, showing support. Meredith faintly squeezes it back and smiled. Cristina sighed and they both fell asleep again.

**I know this chapter was short and a little depressing, but it's kinda important for the rest of the story. I hope you like it so far!**

**Honestly, I would like to go on with this story forever, but I might even stop at chapter 20 or so.. you have been warned ;)**


	15. Finally better?

**Thank you so so much for your reviews!!!**

It has been a week since Meredith told Cristina about the accident, and since then, Cristina has been avoiding Meredith. They barely talked after that night, just light conversations every morning and every evening. Izzy and Alex, on the other hand, couldn't stop making sure Meredith was doing well after the scene she made that night.

The good part, is that Meredith no longer suffered from the mornings pain. It got much better. She was actually getting much much better. Happier. Thing went perfectly with Lexie, and Meredith and Derek have already gone to 3 dates. Meredith was so glad that her life is finally starting to be good. To be enjoyable. To not be made by pain.

It was a nice morning at the hospital. Meredith walked through the halls and into the interns' locker room. "Dr. Larson and dr. Grey, follow me please." Meredith said calming as she grabbed Lexie and her intern, Amelia, out of the locker room. "I picked you girls to assist dr. Shepherd and I in a craniotomy. The patient is 19 years old" she said as the two enthusiastic interns followed her and read through the chart. "Thanks mer" Lexie said quickly. "Um, Lexie, do not 'mer' me next to people... in this hospital I'm dr. Grey, and i am a resident.." Meredith whispered nervously as she grabbed her sister's arm.

"That's fine, 'dr. Grey', everyone knows we're sisters! Even Mark Sloan started calling me 'little grey' " Lexie said with a chuckle.

"I don't want to interrupt, but it's true. Everyone knows you two are sisters" Amelia laughed as Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Back to the patient! Larson, please present the case" Meredith asked Amelie as they entered the patient's room.

"Brook Adams, 19 years old, sufferers from a massive brain bleed after she suffered from a head trauma when she came to the ER last night, since then she has been fully conscious and stable overnight. Today, dr. Shephard will be going in in order to stop the bleeding completely." Amelia said with a smile.

"Thank you!" Meredith said, proud of her intern, "has anyone seen dr. Shepherd today?" Meredith asked as she noticed the main surgeon on this case is not even in the room.

"Oh, I'm right here. Good morning Brook, dr. Grey" Derek said happily as he entered the room. "I have a really good feeling about this, Brook, you have nothing to worry about" he said as he looked at the patient who laid there and just nodded back. "You, and you, go make sure her labs are good and book an OR" Derek said as he pointed at Lexie and Amelia. "And Meredith," He said as he gave her a soft kiss on the cheek, "you can prep the patient" he said softly as Meredith giggled.

"No problem dr. Shepherd" she laughed as Derek left the room. Meredith stepped closer towards the patient. She was a young and beautiful girl and she was all alone.

"How are you doing this morning, Brook? Has anyone came to see you last night?" Meredith asked quietly as she began preparing Brook for surgery. Brook let out a sigh.

"I'm doing alright, and no. I didn't tell anyone I'm hurt" she said sadly. Meredith looked at her with a questioning look on her face. " I know you don't get it, but honestly, I have nobody. And I don't really deserve to have someone, because after all, I still attempted to kill my self..." Brook said and looked at Meredith with sad eyes.

"Can I help you maybe? I mean, why did you even..." Meredith asked softly as she sat down next to Brook.

"It's just that my life is so screwed up! It's horrible! And I suffer every single day! Since my mother died my life has been a not ending hell! I just never thought I would end up like my brother... but after all I really didn't, because he _did _manage to kill himself" Brook said as she started to tear up and Meredith held her hand lightly. " I just- I just figured it would be better for me to be with my mother and brother.. my dad doesn't even care about me.. he found himself a new young girlfriend and left me alone.. I hate my life! Hate it! So I decided to jump off the roof, and hope it would kill me. So honestly, I don't really care if you save me or not." Brook cried.

"I'm so sorry for your losses... can I do _anything _to change your mind?" Meredith asked sympathetically. Brook's story somehow sounded familiar.. she didn't want Brook to give up on her life...

"I just.." Brook sobbed. Hardly.

"Listen, when I was a kid, my mother left me with my father, who already had his own family. I felt so alone, so miserable, all I wanted to do is to lay down and die.. of course I was young so I overreacted.. but anyways, even if I felt so alone on this world, even if I felt that nobody can help me, I found a new family. My half sisters soon became my best friend, my dad and I got really close, and I was happier than I ever was. So please, Brook, do not give up. Please. Let us help you so you can go and re-find your happiness. You seem like a lovely girl, and I am so so sorry about you mother, but you are alive! You got a second chance! Please don't give up on yourself!" Meredith explained as she held Brook's hand. "Now, who is your emergency contact?" Meredith said as she looked into Brook's wet eyes. "J-Julian... he's my brother but he's dead. He s-shot himself a few years ago.. right after our mom died and there's no way I'm calling my dad.." Brook said as she cried harder and harder.

What a coincidence. Meredith knew Brook was familiar to her. She knew she has seen those eyes before.

Brook was Julian's little sister.

**Sorry for such a short update... hopefully a longer one tomorrow!**


	16. A chance

Meredith couldn't believe it. She stared at Brook, who was still crying, and a tear managed to escape Meredith's eye.

"Why are _you _crying?" Brook asked confused. "Brook... do you know who I am? My name is um.. Meredith" Meredith said as she squeezed Brook's arm. "Meredith? Am I supposed to know you?" Brook still didn't understand.

"I'm Meredith. I was your brother's girlfriend..." Meredith said and the tears started bursting out. "W-What? You knew my brother? You knew Julian? You are _the one?" _Brook asked nervously.

"I think I am.." Meredith said as she looked at the floor.

"But it doesn't make any sense! Before Julian sh...shot himself he texted me.. he said that he is a horrible man and he killed his girlfriend and that he doesn't deserve to live anymore! It can't be you, Meredith, it can't be..." Brook cried.

"Julian Adams. He went to law school. His mother's name was Rebecca and his father's name is John. He was born in Florida... do I need to go on?" Meredith said as she tried to fight her sobs.

"What? It is really you.." Brook cried harder and harder as Meredith laid her hands on her shoulder and cried with her.

"Dr. Grey! Is everything alright in here?" Derek asked nervously as he walked into the room with his scrub hat in his hands. "Yeah, Sorry... she's all set" Meredith said as she quickly stood up and whipped the tears. "Alright then, Brook, dear, it's time to go" he said with his charming smile as Brook just nodded again.

"Alright Brook, we are going to let you breath with this mask and then you'll fall asleep and we can start the surgery" Amelia said with a smile as she stood by the table. "Wait. Can you call Meredith here, please?" Brook whispered. "Um.. dr. Grey? Sure" Amelia responded.

Meredith walked into the OR and quickly held Brook's arm. "Meredith, I want to have another chance. Please. I changed my mind, I don't wanna die. Please.." Brook cried. "Hey.. clam down.. everything is gonna be alright" Meredith said as she placed the mask over Brook's face and she drifted off.

But did she know for sure the surgery would go smoothly?

She didn't.

Brook died on the table from a cardiac arrest. She didn't make it. Another death in Julian's family. "Time of death, 14:52" Derek said sadly as he stopped compressing Brook's chest. "Dr. Larson, please call the morgue" he said as he took off his gloves.

Meredith couldn't get it. One minute they were making conversations and she was just.. gone. Meredith couldn't stop squeezing the ambu that was connected to Brook's intubation. "Meredith... she's, um, dead" Lexie whispered as she laid her hand on her sister's shoulder.

"Lexie. This _was _Julian's sister.." Meredith said quietly.

"What? J-Julian? _The_ Julian??" Lexie asked, shocked. Meredith nodded faintly. Her hands couldn't stop squeezing that ambu. She started shaking but her hands couldn't let go. Lexie slowly placed her hands on Meredith's and stopped them. Meredith fell to the floor and bursted into tears.

Brook was dead. She wanted a second chance, bet she was gone.

What a crappy day... Meredith thought as she cried.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"Hi mer, do you want to come over tonight?" Derek asked happily as he walked into the empty residents' lounge. "Sure" Meredith said and turned around. Her eyes were still red and swollen from the tears, and Derek couldn't help himself from asking. "What was that, mer? With um.. Brook? Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as they walked out of the room, hand by hand. "Not right now.. later" Meredith said as she forced a smile.

Meredith and Derek got into Derek's car and drove quietly to the woods, to his trailer. "And we are here! Welcome to the woods, Meredith Grey" Derek smiled and Meredith giggled. Real giggles. Derek knew how to cheer her up.

"It's so beautiful up here! That land is _all _yours??" Meredith asked, surprised, as she walked around the land. "Yep. I think one day I'll build a house in here. For us" he whispered as he held Meredith close.

"Hmm.. I barely know you and you already building us a house?" Meredith said with a chuckle.

"Not right now. Now.. I'm gonna kiss you" Derek whispered as he kissed Meredith lightly and hugged her. Meredith laughed. She loved Derek so much, she's so glad she has found him.

Meredith and Derek both sat down at the grass and stared at the views of Seattle. "Such a big city. I think I can spot the hospital from here" Meredith said, amazed, as she pointed somewhere.

"Meredith.. What is your connection to Brook?" Derek said as he grabbed her hand. "It's um.. she's my ex- boyfriend's sister. We just figured it out today.." Meredith said as she stared into the distance.

"Oh.. but, I mean, w..why did you two cry?" Derek asked as he looked into her eyes.

"It's a long story.. he died" Meredith said as she squeezed his hand.

"I'm sorry.. when?" Derek asked, a little surprised.

"A couple of years ago... he just.. k..killed himself, I guess" Meredith said sadly.

"You guess??" Derek asked with concern.

"I..I wasn't home when it happened" Meredith lied. Well not really.. she was too busy being unconscious on the sidewalk. But she didn't want to tell Derek. She didn't want him to know. She wanted a fresh start.

**Sorry for another extremely short update.. I'm kinda running out of ideas now.. it would really help if you tell me what you want to read (more romance or more drama etc.) via reviews or PM**

**THANKS A LOT FOR READING!**


	17. Haunted

"Meredith, are we going to talk about it?" Derek asked Meredith as he handed her a cup of coffee. It has been four days since Brook's death and Derek has been desperate to help Meredith through her problems, but she won't really tell him what's wrong. Silence. No talking. Just work. "Mer, I really consider myself as your boyfriend and please, I want to help you, so just tell me what happened" He tried again as they walked into the elevator.

" I don't know what's wrong, Derek. I'm just moody that's all.." Meredith said as she played with the coffee cup in her hands. But she did know. She knew exactly what's wrong and she was not going to tell him. No way!

"Meredith.. come on!" Derek yelled as he followed her to the residents' lounge. She walked inside and then stopped and turned around.

"It is really nothing! I'm fine! Don't worry about it" she smiled faintly. "Now, excuse me, but I have rounds. And I will see you later" she whispered as she kissed his cheek softly and walked into the room. Honestly, right now Meredith didn't care if the whole hospital, or even if the whole world, knew that she and shepherd are dating. Everyone knew. Hospital gossip was the quickest and most unreliable gossip there is. But she was more concerned of the fact that she was hunted by Julian. She started dreaming about him. And then his sister came around and died, and now every male patient she has somehow reminds her of him. And most importantly, soon will be _the day_. Soon will be the day of the 'accident', if you want to call it that way, and Meredith was getting more and more stressed about it, for some unexplained reason.

Rounds went perfectly smooth and Meredith and her interns were on dr. Nick's service today. No sign of Derek. Meredith was about to scrub in with Cristina on dr. Nicks' open heart surgery. She stood in the scrub room alone and turned on the water drain. She violently scrubbed the hard block of soap against her hands and washed it off.

And then Cristina walked in.

"Hi mer" Cristina said with a smile on her face and grabbed the scrub soap.

"Cristina! I haven't seen you in a while.. how are you doing?" Meredith asked as she looked up at her.

"Oh, right.. well I'm not that great. I have been on call for like a week now so I'm exhausted, and my stupid, stupid interns keep driving me crazy ughh! I cannot understand how one person can make so many mistakes at once, you know?" Cristina laughed and Meredith giggled.

"Cristina, did I scare you off, I mean, with my whole horror story?" Meredith said with a faint chuckle. Cristina didn't really know what to say and looked at Meredith with a confused look. "It's just that I feel like we kinda kept avoiding each other since that night and.. I don't want you to be afraid of anything. I had a couple of bad days lately and it really got to me, so I'm sorry... I just don't want things to be like this" Meredith said with a bit of sadness.

"Actually, it took me a while to even believe what happened, and in the last couple of days, I don't know why, maybe it's my lack of sleep, or maybe it's your 'dark and twisty' mood, but when I looked at you, all I could see in my head is blood and guns and you screaming.. but it's all good now, don't worry" Cristina said as she laid the scrub soap down.

"Dark and twisty, huh? I like it" Meredith giggled.

"Yeah.. another masterpiece from Cristina Yang's homemades collection" Cristina laughed back. "Okay mer, let's focus! The patient is Julian robins, 32 years old, was admitted last night due to chest pains, apparently he had a heart attack and now we will be removing the clot from the wall of his right ventricle" Cristina said as she dried her hands.

"You gotta be kidding me..." Meredith sighed with frustration.

"What?" Cristina asked, confuse.

"I'm being hunted" Meredith said as she walked inside.

IIIIII

Surgery went pretty well, the patient made it through and dr. Nicks was very proud.

Cristina walked towards the cafeteria when she suddenly heard someone.

"Yang!" A male voice called as she turned around in panic. It was Derek.

"Is there anything you want, dr. Shepherd?" She asked nicely as she walked towards him and he pulled her into a nearby supply closet.

"Please tell me what's wrong with Meredith.. it's driving me crazy! Since last week she has been so moody and depressed and I even cought her crying in the bathroom in the middle of the freaking night! What is wrong with her?" Derek asked as her looked deep down into Cristina's terrified eyes.

"I-I am not sure I know myself" Cristina answered quickly. But she did. She knew exactly what happened to Meredith. She is feeling hunted. She is feeling like all of the crap that happened to her might happen again. She keeps seeing Julian around every corner, suddenly her old doctor comes around and tells her story, and oh, Brook. Brook was her breakdown point. So Cristina knew why Meredith was the way she was. But she was loyal. She wasn't going to tell Derek.

"Listen, cut her some slack... she has been through a lot with the whole Julian thing... let her handle it the way she wants to" Cristina said as Derek only looked more and more confused.

"I'm lost.. who the hell is _Julian_??" Derek raised his voice.

Oh shit. Meredith didn't tell him. Cristina had make a huge mistake.

"I, um.. I thought she told you about Julian and Brook.." Cristina said quickly. Here, she did it again! Mistake!!

"WHAT? She told me nothing!!" Derek said, frustrated.

This was bad...

IIIIII

Meredith and Derek drove in complete and painful silence. Meredith was too tired to make small talks and Derek was too angry and confused to talk. Cristina said things. Things that he haven't known about but he should have. Things that might be able to solve Meredith's problem. Things that are left unfinished.

Meredith and Derek walked into Derek's trailer.

"I'm so exhausted!" Meredith let out a sigh as she quickly took her shoes and coat off and laid on Derek's bed.

"Meredith, at least change to your pajamas" Derek giggled as he watched his tired little girlfriend laying on the big matters.

"Okay" She said sleeply and got up. "How come you're not as tired as I am?" Meredith laughed as she grabbed her sweatpants and light blue shirt from her bag and headed to the bathroom to change.

"I honestly have no idea... mer, What are you doing?" Derek smiled as he watched her struggle to open the bathroom's door.

"How do you even open that thing??" Meredith laughed as she pulled and pushed the door as hard as she could.

"You don't... the door has been broke for a while now... just change here, I won't bite" Derek said as he took his shirt off and put on his pajama.

Derek and Meredith has never seen each other naked. They hardly even had sex together. Their relationship was made out of date night and snuggling. No intimacy. And they both liked it that way.

"I, um.. are you sure it won't open?" Meredith asked as she tried to push the door one more time.

"Yes, Meredith. I'm sure. What's the problem?" Derek asked as he changed his pants too and walked towards the bed.

"Nothing is wrong." Meredith said quickly. She inhaled deeply. She turned around, took her shirt off and quickly put on a new one. And now she knew it was over. He is going to know everything.

**How will Derek react? Stay tuned ;) ****And thank you all so so so so much for reviewing! ****(Especially patsy, thank's a lot! Love u)**


	18. Questions

**This is a super short one which only contains Derek's reaction to the story and how Meredith feels about it. It's kind of a filler but soon things would be so much more complicated.**

**And traumatic.**

**But until then, enjoying this tiny update ;)**

"Mer... w-what?"

Was all Derek could get out of his mouth. A split second was all it took for him to see her scars. Her so many scars. She tried to hide them.. she did. She turned around so he won't see the ones on her chest and abdomen. She turned around so he won't see the little one on her rib cage. The gunshot. She turned around, trying to hide her major scars, but soon regretted it. She allowed him to see the one on her lower back. The one on her neck. And some old and faint bruises that never disappeared. She never really knew how bad those scars were until people saw them. Derek. He wasn't just _people_. He was her world. The love of her freaking life. The only person in the world that might think, even for a second, that she's perfect. And now? Now Derek met her scars. Now Derek will meet her past. And hopefully, this won't stop him from building her future.

She was shaking. Literally. She heard him asking _'what?' _and immediately freaked out. He saw it. Oh shit.

"What happened Derek?" She asked, pretending to not know what he was talking about, as she turned around with a new shirt on. Why did she do that? He was going to know eventually. Why waste time? She felt stupid.

"Meredith. What happened to your back? And your neck?" Derek asked as he walked closer to her, like he was walking on fragile eggshells.

Meredith shook her head. A tear slid down. She looked at the floor of Derek's trailer. It was over.

Derek grabbed her face and looked into her eyes. "Meredith.." he said again. Like he was begging her to tell him.

"You should sit down, Derek" Meredith whispered.

"Here we go agian" Meredith said to herself as she sat next to him.

IIIIII

shock was all Derek could feel. His head was spinning, his heart was pounding in his chest. His breathing, unsteady. He couldn't feel his body. He was floating. Drowning in her sad eyes.

His jaw dropped.

"Derek... please don't" Meredith cried.

His mind was blown. Thoughts all over the place.

First of all. _How?_

How could people change so instantly? How could someone possibly hurt this angle? How, for God's sake, can someone shoot his girlfriend? His loved one? How? How could people do that? Drunk or not, lucid or not, psycho or not, how? And how did she survive it? How is she still alive and kicking? How is she all 'fine'? How?

Second of all. _Why?_

Why her? Why Meredith? Why in such a horrible way? Why did she get shot? And why was she thrown out of her apartment window? 15 floors down. Whoosh, whoosh. Crack. Why?

But over all of his questions and wonders, he was _thankful._

Thankful for the fact that she's alive. Thankful that she's not mentally destroyed. Thankful that she was able to hold on. To not fall apart. To not break. Thankful that he met her. Thankful that she survived.

Derek didn't know what to say. His eyes were still locked on her's. They didn't move. Derek watched as Meredith started tearing. Tears and tears and tears... she was exhausted. Horrified. Scared. Mostly scared. She was scared of what he will say. Scared of what he will think. Scared of what he will do.

Scared to death that he would leave.

Derek started crying as well. He couldn't breathe. The room kept spinning as he stared at the figure infront of him. She was defeated.

He hugged her. Strongly. He heard a crack. She hugged him back. Sobbing, they held each other until the fell asleep.

But now, Meredith knew for sure.

Derek would never hurt her.

Never.

**A/N- thank you EVERYONE for your amazing reviews. You make my day. THANK YOU!**

**I love you all!**


	19. Crashing into me

**Hopefully a longer update this time. Some merder fluff and a huge surprise at the end.**

**Read. Trust me, enjoy merder while you can...**

Derek and Meredith took the next day off. They couldn't wake up early in the following morning and they were both too emotional to work normally. Meredith woke up, in Derek's arm, and let out a yawn. She didn't get up, she just laid there and listened to his breathing. How lucky was she? Derek was a one in a million. Her one in a million.

She moved her head slightly in discomfort and reached her left arm to grab Derek's right one. He shifted a bit and then slowly woke up. He opened his eyes to the beautiful sight of her. Her hair was a bit messy, her eyes were sparkling, there was a faint smile on her rose lips... her petite body looked gorgeous at this moment. As It always did.

"Good morning" Meredith said quietly as she squeezed Derek's hand. "I texted the chief, I'm 'sick' so I'm not going to the hospital today" she whispered as she kept repositioning her head so her neck won't ache that badly.

"Good" Derek whispered back. He still couldn't completely believe what he have heard yesterday. "Meredith.." he said again, squeezing her hand back. "Did yesterday really happened? Did you really tell me all of these things? Or was I just dreaming?" He asked, hoping that he did.

"I wish you were dreaming... but it happened, unfortunately, I guess..." she said with a sad smile as she tried to get up. She couldn't though. Derek grabbed her too tightly. Like she might disappear if he will let go. But she wanted to get up. She needed to get up, just so she would release the pressure from her neck. They both fell asleep on such a bad pose and it effects Meredith's neck. Badly.

She managed to get up and her back cracked. That felt good. She felt good. She was safe, with Derek. No more secrets. No more pain. No more avoiding. Not haunted anymore.

She felt good with him. Safe.

But was she really safe?

IIIIII

It was about lunchtime when Meredith's hunger first started to get to her. Derek had a fish for breakfast. _Fish._ For _breakfast_. She was way too terrified by the _fish_'s smell, that actually eating it seemed impossible. So she had a small cup of coffee, with some sugar cookies that Derek got from Izzy a while ago.

Meredith layed on the grass next to Derek. They were starting at the sky. They were barely talking to each other, they just didn't know what to say. Meredith thought that enough was enough.

"Derek" she said as she touched his shoulder.

"Hmm?" He moaned as he sat up.

"I'm starving... and it's about 2 o'clock already and we should really eat lunch..." she giggled.

"There's fish left from this morning" he teased her. She looked at him with a terrified look.

"I was kidding! We should maybe drive to that restaurant next to the hospital... the one with the good sushi" he teased her again. More fish.

"Stop it!" She giggled again as she smacked his arm. He laughed. He loved her so much.

"I was kidding! Let's just drive to midtown and see what's good" he offered with a big McDreamy smile.

"Okay" she smiled back. She loved him so much.

IIIIII

"Derek! Come on!" Meredith yelled as she sat in her car's driver seat and waited for Derek to show up. He for some reason insisted on taking a shower before leaving to the restaurant. It was already 2:50 PM and Meredith's stomach was growling. Badly. Her last 'real' meal was almost 24 hours ago. "Derek!!" She called again as she walked out of the car and into the trailer.

"Clam down, mer, I'm coming! I was just fixing my shirt. You should get another jacket, it's freezing outside" He said as he handed her one of his old jackets.

"I was just outside for like 20 minuets, waiting. For you! And it's no near to be freezing" she said angrily. She got angry when she was hungry.

He handed her a jacket. Deep dark blue, oversized obviously, with a white 'basic' writing on it. It smelled like him. So she took it anyways and wrapped it against her arm.

They walked towards Meredith's car and Meredith opened the door on the left side of the car.

"Um... what do you think you're doing?" Derek giggled.

"I assume... getting in my car so we can drive to Seattle and get some freaking food??" She raised her voice.

"You're so cute when you're trying to be mad!" He teased her, again as he stroked her hair. "But anyways, you're not driving, I am" he said as he walked her to the other side of the car and opened the door.

"A gentleman! I can absolutely handle that" she said with a chuckle as she walked into the car and gave Derek a look. Her look. The look that took his breath away.

And he couldn't help himself to smile.

IIIIII

"I love you" Derek said as they drove out of the woods.

Silence.

"I love you too, Derek" Meredith said with a bit of confusion.

"No, I mean, I just wanted you to know that _I love you_. You are stunning and breathtaking and so strong and fierce and... amazing. You're the love of my life, Meredith. My universe. My whole entire world. I will never hurt you. I will not leave you. Never. And you can be sure about that. _I love you_." He said as he stared at the road and took a deep breath.

"Yesterday when you told me about... _it,_ I finally understood what you were thinking. Why you were avoiding me, pushing me away, I know the reasons, mer. I never really understood why you kept being afraid. _I love you._ I told you that before. I thought it was enough to immediately steal your heart and I finally understand what has gone through your head. You amaze me. You are strong. And you're able to handle your flaws and downs like a champ. _I love you._ I can't stop myself from saying that... it just feels so right! _I love you! I love.You!" _Derek said as his right a squeezed her left. He looked at her. She was about to cry. She was emotional.

"Derek... you can't even start to imagine how lucky I feel when I look at you. You are the love of my life. You are my-"

And then there was a loud noise.

A crash noise.

Squeaking tiers.

Shattering glass.

Screams.

And then everything went black.

And this was the end.

**Can't wait for more, can't you? :)**

**Trust me please**


	20. On the edge

**wow... chapter 20...**

Black was all Derek could see. He wanted to open his eyes so bad but he was too scared. He felt himself being upside down. Their car must have flipped. He felt his crushed hand, screaming in pain. He felt his aching head, pounding strongly. He felt his bruised legs, and so many cuts in his abdomen and chest. His neck was a little twisted because of the uncomfortable position of his, his whole body hurt. But that was a good sign. It means that he's no paralyzed. And that he's alive.

Meredith on the other hand, was laying completely still. She hasn't woken up, hasn't moved a limb.

Derek opened his eyes slowly. He could see shattered glass everywhere. Blood. So much blood. Most of it came from his hand, which was now literally hanging from his arm bone. He looked down at himself. He was in a pretty good condition. Well, considering.

"Mer..." he moaned quietly, waiting for her to respond.

No answer.

He tried again, louder this time. "Meredith... can you hear me?" No answer again.

He heard sirens. People, so many people, peoples screaming and even a police officer talking loudly.

Derek tried to look at them, he did, but with no luck. He didn't want to move his neck too much, so there won't be permanent damage, so he tried moving his eyes as far as he could.

The world was upside down. The car's windshields were shattered, broken. Broken bloody glass. The road was filled with blood. Thick, dark red blood. It smelled like fire. Like smoke. He could see a truck next to their car. It was on fire. Oh damn...

"Excuse me? Somebody? Help!" Derek tried to yell but just a loud moan escaped his mouth.

He heard people screaming 'someone's alive in there!' And 'he's talking!'.

And then an old male paramedic rushed to his side. "Sir! How are you doing in there? What's your name?" The paramedic asked as he started looking at his injuries. "I'm Derek. Derek Shephard an I think I'm pretty okay... but my left hand is broken. Badly. And I have a small headache, probably a concussions... my neck hurts, so I'm trying really hard not to move it and it would really help if you'll just get us out of here!" He said with panic.

"I'm sorry sir... _us? _There's someone else inside??" The paramedic asked, shocked, as he started dragging Derek out of the flipped car, with a help of a few people that were there.

"Yes! My girlfriend... she was sitting in the front passenger seat. Right next to me, how come she's not here? And what the hell happened?? " Derek mumbled and tried to look around one more time.

"A truck hit you from the left side of the car, you flipped. It was um... pretty bad" one of the man who helped him out said quietly. "And we'll find your girlfriend" The paramedic said as he started getting Derek ready for moving.

"No! Wait!" Derek tried yelling again "I'm not going into that ambulance until you find her" he mumbled again. He watched as the paramedic nodded, and allowed himself to drift off.

The male paramedic gathered some people and they all searched for Meredith. They went closer to the flipped car once again, hoping that this time they would find someone in there. The car was ruined. It didn't really seem like a car anymore. They stepped into the debris and started searching.

"Found her!" A young lady screamed as the paramedic ran to check her pulse. She had one. Slow, weak, but existing. Alive as well.

"Derek!" The paramedic yelled as he walked closer to the stretcher and leans about it. Derek opened his eyes slowly. "We found her. Can you tell us her name?" He said softly with a smile. Derek smiled back and said "Meredith...Grey..." as they lifted him and placed him in the ambulance.

The paramedic ran back to the car and held the woman's hand. "It's alright Meredith... we got you!" He whispered to her ear.

She was in way worse shape than Derek. She wasn't even conscious. The truck hit her side of the car, causing her to fracture her right arm and leg. She had a pretty bad head injury. Hematomas all over. Her belly was probably bleeding as well... "we have to get her out of here..." another paramedic said as he approached them.

Slowly but surely they got her out. She was stuck under the car's broken and shattered door. But they managed to get her into the ambulance in a pretty stable condition, but then, she lost her pulse.

IIIIII

"Cristina!" Lexie said as she walked towards her resident. "Why didn't Meredith show up today?" She asked Cristina lifted her head from dr. Nicks' patient's chart. "I think she called in sick" Cristina said casually as she closed the chart and handed it to the nurse.

Their pagers beeped.

"Little Grey, come with me!" Cristina yelled as she grabbed Lexie's arm and started running.

"What happened??" Lexie asked with confusion.

"Big trauma coming in! Come on!" Cristina shouted with excited as she grabbed a trauma gown and walked outside along with Lexie, dr. Bailey, dr. Torres, dr. Webber, dr. Sloan, dr. Hunt, and a couple of interns.

"Do we know what happened?" Callie asked as she put on her gloves.

"A truck hit a small vehicle and made it flip over. The two passengers got hurt pretty bad along with the truck driver who passed out and caused the accident" Owen said as he checked his pager.

"I paged dr. Shepherd too, does anyone know where he is?" Owen asked as he looked at Richard.

"He called in sick" the chief said as Cristina and Lexie switched lookes and giggles.

They heard the loud sirens as the ambulance got closer. The door opened as a few of the doctors ran towards it.

"Derek Shephard, in his 30's, a trauma to his left hand and leg, complains about neck pain and slight headache, was unconscious in the scene but since then regained full consciousness. Pulse a little high, and he had some trouble breathing" the young female paramedic said as she rolled his gurney out. All doctors froze and looked at him in shock.

"Shepherd are you alright??" Miranda asked in panic as Cristina checked his pupils.

"I'm okay, but Meredith is right behind us and she's at much worse shape" he mumbled through the oxygen mask.

"Alright let's get him inside, trauma 2 please. Torres, yang, Bailey; stay here and wait for Meredith. You'll need all of the help you could get, page me if it's bad" dr. Hunt said as he helped mark and Lexie roll Derek inside.

"M-Meredith?" Cristina mumbled as she looked at Bailey, who looked pretty terrified as well.

"Girls don't worry, we know her, she's a fighter" Callie said as she nodded to Richard, who was now running inside.

The ambulance approached them. A male paramedic opened the door quickly. "Meredith Grey, in her 20's, got most of the hit, she has a head injury, probably blood in the belly, she lost a lot of blood through a bleeding cut on her right thigh. She has been unconscious all of the time. We lost her pulse on the way here and she came back after two shocks. We couldn't intubate in the field because her airway was blocked but we were able to clear it. Heart rate is slow and weak, she is barely breathing" he said as he squeezed the ambu.

"Oh my..." dr. Bailey mumbled as she rolled her inside.

Cristina started crying. No sobbings, just tears. Tears of sadness and regret.

IIIIII

Mark was stitching Derek's arm as he moaned in pain. "I'm sorry, man.. you need to get some x-rays ad probably a head CT... I'll page a resident" Mark said with a smile as he put a bandage over Derek's arm. "And let's page ortho..." he told Lexie, who was still a little shaking.

"Mark. Go check on mer... please... she can't die" Derek mumbled, a little sleepy from the pain killers. Mark looked at the terrified Lexie and then at Derek, who was clearly loosing his mind. "Right away" he whispered as he squeezed Derek's healthy arm.

Callie stepped into Derek's room. "Did someone page ortho?" She asked quietly. Her gown was whipped with blood. Meredith's blood? Derek let out a sigh. Callie took a look at Derek's arm. "You need surgery on that arm. Like right now..." she whispered as a frown appeared on her face. "Little Grey, page Stevens and Karev, tell them to run his labs and take him upstairs to pre-op. And... you should go. See Meredith..." she whispered, walking away from Derek, as Lexie nodded quietly. A tear escaped her eye.

IIIIII

"Okay everyone, let's order two units of o neg and page both cardio and neuro!" Miranda yelled as she tried to intubate Meredith. "Yang, get me that tube" she said as she pointed at the small table next to Meredith's gurney. Cristina nodded and handed dr. Bailey the tube and she shoved it into Meredith's throat. "Cristina, go outside. Go to the waiting room, go to the locker room, go somewhere that's not here. We got her" Miranda said with a sad smile as she connected the ambu bag to the tube. Cristina nodded again and walked outside.

"She needs CT and MRI for both her head and abdomen... her right pupil is blown and she's showing signs of cardiac shock so we should page cardio too..." Owen said as he stepped into the room.

"Oh my god... she has a lot of blood in her belly. She need surgery right now!" Miranda shouted as she looked at the ultrasound.

"She also has a brain bleed! We need to get her upstairs stat..." the neurosurgeon that just came in said with concern.

"Has anyone told her friends yet?" Another doctor asked.

"I'll tell them. I'm being paged to Derek's room anyways" Callie said as she ran outside.

"Let's get her upstairs now" Owen yelled.

The monitors beeped loudly.

"SHE's CRASHING! Bailey start CPR, charge to 300, CLEAR!"

**To be continued...**


	21. While i’m gone

Izzy and Alex sat on the bench in the residents' lounge as they ate their meals peacefully. A few interns came in. Meredith's intern. Izzy quickly noticed that a few of the interns were crying, walking towards Meredith's locker and looking for something. She gave a Alex a look and walked to Amelia Larson, who was tearing badly.

"Dr. Larson, may I ask you you and your friends are crying? Did you guys loose a patient?" She asked as she touched Amelia's shoulder.

"D-Didn't you hear what happened? To Meredith and Shephard?" Amelia sobbed quietly as she sat down.

"What? To Meredith? What happened??" Izzy panicked.

"There was an a-accident... she's hurt badly... we were just there and she was coding so the chief told us to go up here and look for her phone, to call her dad..." Marty Hooks said as he sat down next to Amelia and gave her a light hug.

Izzy's jaw dropped. She looked at Alex, who was pretty shocked as well and ran to him. Suddenly, Cristina walked in. Her eyes were red and puffy, tears covering her swollen cheeks, and a terrified expression on her face.

"Cristina! What the hell??" Alex yelled as he walked towards Cristina, who was still wearing her trauma gown.

"It's bad. S-She coded and they just got her to surgery. She needs um... a craniotomy and her spleen is bleeding badly, they will probably remove it... she has a cardiac tamponade and she went into c-cardiac shock. She's half dead..." Cristina cried.

"What about Shephard?" Alex's voice was shaking.

"He, umm, he was just taken to surgery for his wrist, it's broken in four different places. He has a light concussion but he's fine" Cristina was still tearing up.

Lexie ran into the room and started searching for her cellphone. She was crying as well,still kind of shock from the whole situation.

"I have to call my dad, our dad has to know" she sobbed as everyone stared at her. She finally found it and dialed the number.

"Dad? It's Lexie. Meredith got hurt. It's bad"

IIIIII

Derek woke up to the sound of the beeping monitors. He listened carefully to the rythemic beeping. he was okay.

He opened his eyes slowly only to see Owen Hunt's big smile glaring at him.

"How are you feeling Derek? Owen asked softly as he took a look at Derek's bandaged wrist.

Derek looked at his arm. It was aching badly. He knew he had surgery on the arm and the fact that it was aching was good. He still had it attached to his body, and he still had a feeling in there. So far so good.

"I'm okay... how did the surgery go?" Derek said quietly, his throat a little soar and dry.

"Awesomely. Torres was able to fix all of the damage and you should recover just fine. It would be a while until you'll be operating again but it's alright" Owen smiled at Derek. It wasn't a real smile though. He was faking. Derek knew Owen well enough to know that he wasn't really happy about the whole situation.

A wave of shivers that passed through Derek's aching body reminded him of what happened. He was in a car and it flipped. Car accident. _He _was in a car accident.

Wait.

_He and Meredith _were in a car accident. He started breathing faster and faster. 

"Owen! What about Meredith?" Derek yelled as Owen headed to the door.

Owen's face dropped. He turned around and walked to Derek's bed. He held his hand and rubbed it gently.

Owen sighed. "It's not good"

"Just tell me". Derek's heart started beating faster and faster. 

"Clam down Derek..." Owen said as he looked at the monitors, who were now beeping really fast.

"Derek, she's alive. She coded a couple of times on her way here and then again at the ER... we got her back pretty fast both times. She had two surgeries, one craniotomy in order to stop the bleeding from her frontal lobe, and another one that fixed the damage and bleeders in her abdomen, as well as a fixture of her temponade... it's touch and go... she's now at the ICU with her friends. She hasn't been awake at all since the accident, we're afraid that there might have been some brain damage... we're hoping she would wake up" Owen said quietly and then stopped to let the information sink in.

"Oh my god..."

"Derek, she's alive" Owen tried to confort him.

"This is all my fault" Derek mumbled as he rubbed his sttiched up face with his healthy arm.

"What even happened in there, Derek?" Owen asked as he looked at Derek with sad eyes. The man was broken.

"She was at my place. We were talking and she became hungry so we thought about driving to town and eating at one of the restaurants... we were driving and talking, and then a truck came out of the right side and knocked us down" Derek said with a shaky voice.

"I woke up and she wasn't there. I was so scared..." he said as he felt his body shaking from the upcoming sobs.

All Owen could do is to rub his hand and guide him to breathe.

"Derek, would you like to see her?"

IIIIII

Cristina walked into the ICU and easily found Meredith's room. It was crowded. Lots of interns and residents hovering over the door. No one daring to go inside.

"I heard she's brain dead" one of Izzy's interns whispered.

"She's not." Cristina raised her voice. The group of interns panicked and ran away, leaving Cristina by herself, staring at her broken person.

_Meredith, you better not make me a liar_, Cristina though.

Cristina opened the glass door and quietly walked insisted. She wasn't Meredith. That woman who was lying on that bed, unconscious, isn't Meredith. She doesn't have that sparkle of Meredith, that joy. No matter how bad things got, Meredith always somehow found joy.

But not this woman.

This woman was lying on a bed. Helpless. Unable to open her eyes or to even breathe on her own. She's probably scared. She probably doesn't even understand what happened. And she's all alone.

Once again.

That woman, that woman who clearly wasn't the Meredith that Cristina used to know, that woman was thin. Fragile. Pale. So pale that every vain in her body showed. That woman had a broken arm. That woman just had brain surgery. That woman flipped in her car.

How?

Why?

Why her?

Why again?

Hasn't she been through enough?

Cristina sat by her, afraid to even touch her. She looked at her face. As much as she hoped this wasn't Meredith, it clearly was. Her lines were clearly _her's_.

Cristina broken into sobs.

"Please, mer, I need you" she whispered to her ear. "You're somewhere here, I know it. Your brain works. You are okay. You can do this, you have what it takes to survive, don't give up. Please Meredith." Cristina cried as she stroked her friend's face.

"Come back. Come back so we can have morning sleepovers. More movies. More tequila. You know what? You can even talk endlessly about this 'McDreamy' of yours. Just come back. We need you here. _I_ need you here!" She sat back and inhaled deeply, knowing that Meredith is most likely unable to even hear her. But for what it's worth, she tried.

"I know you're in pain. Hell it just hurts to even look at you in this shape of yours. You need to heal, I get it. Rest now but tomorrow morning I want you awake. You got it?" Cristina whispered again, this time holding Meredith's motionless head in her hands.

"Tough Love, huh? Interesting..." a voice whispered from the door.

Cristina turned around to see Owen Hunt wheeling Derek Shephard inside. She sighed.

"I'm trying, i don't know... do you guys need the room?"

"Yes please" Owen said as he looked at Derek with sad eyes.

"Okay mer, i will be here later... you and McDreamy are about to have a conversation" she giggled as she laid a kiss on Meredith's forehead. "Don't die while I'm gone, please" she whispered as she took a deep breath and left the room.


	22. Author’s note

Not an update but since I'm not done with the new chapter of this story _please please please go read my new story "falling"._

It's something a little different than this one :)

Anyways I know I haven't been uploading new chapter on this story for a while now, but more chapters coming soon ;)


	23. What’s worth fighting for

Derek was afraid. Owen and Cristina left the room and he was all alone with her. He was sitting on a wheelchair, holding her left hand with his right, and staring at her. He thought about what happened to her. Now, 3 years ago. She was shattered to pieces all over again. He knew she won't come back from this.

If she wakes up.

He prepared himself to the worst. He knew it's very unlikely that she would pull through. Could this be his goodbyes? No way.

He sat there, still. No motion. No movement. And so did she. He couldn't do anything but hold her hand. He stared at her hand. This was the same hand he held as they drove in that car. This hand was the best thing that ever happened to him. This hand was holding a scalpel and saving lives. This hand as holding a cup of tequila. This hand was a comforting hand. This hand ment everything.

Derek couldn't speak. He couldn't move. He just sat there for what seemed like hours until it happened.

He felt a light squeeze.

She was alive, and she was holding his hand.

IIIIIIII

Meredith was stuck in the darkness. She have been there before. She knew the feeling. What happened? Did she pass out? Was there an accident? She opened her eyes to find out that she was sitting on a gurney in the middle of what looked like a hospital room. She sat up, coughing loudly, and looked around. The room was empty. She could hear the beeping machines and the noise of people but she couldn't see anyone.

She stood up and stepped out of the room. She was at the ICU floor. Did it mean something bad? Was she the patient? She was confused.

She stepped towards the nurses station and looked through the charts. Maybe she could find herself's. But she didn't. The charts were empty.

She suddenly felt a light touch on her shoulder and turned around. To her surprise, she saw the one man she sis not expect to see.

"Julian?"

"Meredith... I'm so so sorry" he said as he hugged her. She hugged him back. After everything he has done, she still missed him. He was her first real love. But she always remembered that he definitely wasn't her last.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you...?" She started as she got cut off by him.

"Dead? Yeah... I still am" he smiled at her with his gorgeous smile.

"So how? W-What?" She asked as she looked into his soft light brown eyes.

"Am I dead too?" She asked with fear, her voice shaking.

"No. Well, not yet. But if you don't get out of here soon, you will be" He said as he led her back to the room and sat her down.

"How do I get out?" She asked as a tear escaped her eye.

"You decide. You must decide" he said as he sat in the chair next to her.

"I've decided. I want to go back!" She panicked.

"No, mer..." he sighed "when you wake up, you'll be in so much pain that you wish you were dead. I can't let you come back and give up. You must want to fight! You must decide that your life is worth fighting. That your life worth a shot" he said softly as he held her hand.

"I know... I have been here before. I just want to go back! Like last time... like after it happened" she said as the tears freely rushed down.

"It's not the same. Last time, your body was okay before. And now... your body is already suffering. You are already broken, you are already in a lot of pain. Imagine that pain doubled. Do you still want to go back?" He asked with a frown on his face.

"I do. I can handle it. I just want to go back to Derek and Cristina and Lexie and hell I even want to see my interns again. So I have made my decision!" She was yelling now.

"Okay." He said quietly as he hugged her tight.

"I'm so sorry..." he whispered as the blackness took over her once again.

Now she knew what he ment. Every single bone in her body was aching. She could still hear the monitors and people talking. She could still feel his hand on hers.

Wait. It wasn't his hand. She tried to take a deep breath. She couldn't. She tried to open her eyes. She couldn't. She just squeezed the hand that was holding her's.

And then she opened her eyes slowly to see the love of her life.

Maybe things do work out after all.


	24. You and Me

She couldn't believe that just happened. It all seemed like a big dream that wasn't going to end up soon. A nightmare to be exact. She squeezed his hand. _His _hand. Which means that _he _was alive. What would she do if he wasn't? She didn't know. And she didn't want to know because _he_'s here. But why was she so scared to open her eyes again? She already opened them. She already woke up but then fell unconscious again. Why couldn't she open her eyes again? She remembered seeing him. That's all she remembered. She didn't even know where she was injured. She couldn't feel anything but _him_. But what if she'll open her eyes now and _he _won't be there?

IIIIII

It has been a few days since she last opened her eyes. They have already removed her breathing tube and Derek was already discharged. Well, not that it mattered, because he was still hanging around her room twenty four hours a day. He was a mess. A mess of worry. He was scared she wasn't going to wake up. And then he got it.

She probably never will.

But after days of torture, something in her breathing changed. Her expression seemed less calm. Her heartbeat rose. She was waking and Derek had a front row seat to watch it. Her head fell to the side as she struggled to talk. He soon rushed to her and whispered "Meredith? Can you hear me?"

"Derek..." she whispered back. So quiet he could barely hear it. A huge smile appeared on his face, but soon disappeared when she started crying.

"I thought I lost you" she suddenly said,

"That makes two of us" he laughed, confused. Her blue eyes were looking up at him slowly, pain radiating from them, as she cried some more. "Last time I lost him" she breathed "last time I woke up and he was gone"

"I'm here, I'll never leave you" Derek whispered in her ear.

"Please don't" She responded and winched at her movement. "What hurts?"

"Everything"

"What can I do?"

"Hold me... please"

And just like that, Derek climbed into the bed and held her. It was odd and light, but it made them happy.

They both closed their eyes as Derek sighed.

"You never finished what you wanted to tell me" He said as She buried her face into his chest.

"What?" She asked quietly

"That day, in your car. We were talking before it happened. You told me that you're lucky. You never told me why"

"Oh"

"What did you want to say?" He asked

"That I was lucky that I found you. That you saved me from myself. That I would probably drown and fall without you. That... that you kept me together. That you fixed me" she was crying again.

"I just broke you. Look at yourself" he pleaded

"No"

"Meredith, its all my fault"

"No"

"I did this to you"

"Please stop. You didnt see the truck just like I didn't. I would have given up if it wasn't for you. You are me hero" she whispered again as her eyes closed.

"Oh mer... I love you" he cried as his felt her body relax in his.

"Meredith?"

But he got no answer.

IIIIII

Cristina stepped into Meredith's house, her eyes red and her hair messy. She hasn't been sleeping at all since the accident. She couldn't sleep because she would dream of her. So, she was acting like her typical self, and hided in the OR for all day long. All of the surgeons at the hospital know exactly why. So no one cared. Well, at least until she made her first mistake and was sent home to get some rest by the chief. She walked home, though, knowing that she would not get any rest.

Izzie was at the kitchen with Alex. They were sitting and eating. "Yang? You're home?" Alex asked as he noticed the door being unlocked.

"Well who could it possibly be?" She asked as she walked in. Meredith. It could be Meredith. It should be Meredith. But it isn't, and there's a chance it would never be.

"Hungry?" Izzie asked her, handing her a muffin. Cristina was not hungry at all. She hasn't even been eating a lot lately. But still, Izzie was stress-baking, so Cristina took the muffin and shoved it into her mouth.

She then walked upstairs and threw her bag on the floor. She showered and went straight to her room. She then walked out carrying a pillow and entered _her_ room. Meredith's. She sank deep in the sheets, that still smelled like _her_, and closed her eyes.

It's funny isn't it? That it takes such a bad thing to happen in order to fully understand how someone is important to you?

And with that thought, Cristina opened her eyes and jumped out of bed. She got dressed, pulled her hair into a ponytail, and ran. She ran downstairs and into her car. She drove the fastest she ever did, and ran to the hospital. She wasn't going to let her person deal with this alone.

The ICU section was quite. She walked inside and a nurse immediately shushed her. She tried to find Meredith's room, and did after some help from the same nurse. She took a deep breath before looking. She expected the worst. But she definitely didn't expect this.

Derek was holding her broken little body. His strong hand wrapped around her shoulders, her little head placed on his chest. Her eyes were closed. But she was talking. Derek was crying. Did she finally wake up?

She opened the door, catching Derek's attention, and asked "what happened?"

"She um.. she woke up"

"Was she talking"

"Yeah"

"Is she alright?"

He nodded yes

Cristina stepped closer and noticed the sweat that covered Meredith. She placed her hand over Meredith's and looked up at Derek.

"Is she in pain?"

"It seemed like it" he answered sadly

"She's warm" Cristina suddenly noticed

"What?"

"She's warm. Feel her forehead, Derek"

Confused, Derek gently stood up and placed his good arm on her forehead. His heart skipped a beat.

"Could it be an infection?" Cristina asked at the sight of his expression.

"I think it is" Derek said as he lowered her bed and stared examining her.

Meredith looked a little white. She was sweating and shaking and her breathing was fast. It was an obvious infection.

"Should we page someone?" Cristina asked as she looked at the infected wound.

"We should put her on antibiotics, and please page the chief. We'll also let him know she woke up"

"Why would you page the chief?" A shuffled whispered was heard.

"Mer!" Cristina ran to the bed

"Oh my god, Cristina" she smiled and Cristina hugged her

"We don't hug"

"I'm allowed to, I almost lost you" Cristina said and Derek smiled

"But what happened?" Meredith asked again, her eyes closing a bit every few seconds.

"You spiked a fever, probably an infection" Derek explained

"Oh, I really don't feel that great" Meredith mumbled

"Just hang on okay? Stay awake please" Cristina said as she squeezed her hand harder.

"Okay"

"Good, can you get someone to page the chief?" Derek asked one of the nurses as she handed him an IV bag. The nurse nodded and Derek connected Meredith to the IV.

"Cristina..." Meredith mumbled sleepily

"Hmm?"

"You're my person"

**so, please don't be mad at me for this short chapter (again) but as I wrote in my AN at my other story "falling", I've had some medical issues. I'm feeling a little better now so here you go whoohoo**

**I need story recommendations!!!**

**Peace out ;)**


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